


High Notes

by ShadowhunterTrash



Category: The Last Hours Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: AU, Bands, F/M, M/M, Touring
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:21:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 39,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27206539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowhunterTrash/pseuds/ShadowhunterTrash
Summary: Thomas and his band, the Merry Thieves, goes on tour with Lucie, Cordelia, and Alastair. No one quite expected how much things could change in five months. (I suck at summaries sorry I swear the book is better)
Relationships: Alastair Carstairs/Thomas Lightwood, Jesse Blackthorn/Lucie Herondale, Matthew Fairchild/James Herondale, Thomas Lightwood & Barbara Lightwood
Comments: 25
Kudos: 162





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!! Feedback is welcome as are kudos thank y'all tons!!

Thomas almost screamed when his alarm went off. Yesterday had been one of his best friends, Matthew Fairchild’s, twenty first birthday. It would be stupid to say it was Matthew’s first drink but they went out and celebrated his ability to legally drink anyway.

Thomas almost never drank but since his cousin Christopher was still underage and his sister Anna was there he knew one of them would be able to drive them home.  
He was currently cussing his drunk self out in every language he could for not turning his stupid alarm off. He slammed his hand on his alarm and was greeted by the sound of someone puking in the bathroom and Matthew cursing the gods before turning his cursing to Thomas. Thomas could hear Christopher laughing in his room.

  
He and his three best friends shared a four room apartment together. It was a simple apartment with a living room and a kitchenette in the middle and two hallways off the sides. Down one hallway was a door to a bathroom with two doors on either side. One of which belonged to Matthew Fairchild and the other to James Herondale’s. You would find the same if you went down the other hall, but instead of Matthew and James’ room you would find Christopher and Thomas’.

  
"Thomas Lightwood I might kill you if the thought of opening my eyes didn’t make me want to throw up!” Matthew yelled from his side of the room. The pounding in his head worsened and he just groaned back in response. “God dammit Math stop screaming.” He could hear James’ voice coming from the bathroom and realized that it must have been James throwing up. He heard shuffling from their side of the house and then Matthew’s now considerably quieter voice talking to James. “I’m sorry Jamie are you okay?” 

  
Thomas sighed and let Matthew worry about his boyfriend. James and Matthew had been best friends since 6th grade and they had been dating for about 5 months now. Everyone had thrown a party when they had finally got together. Everyone knew it was coming but the idiots were too oblivious to believe the other liked them. 

  
Thomas got up and walked to the kitchen where he found his cousin, Christopher. Kit smiled at him and put a glass of water and some pain meds in his hand. Thomas smiled appreciatively at his cousin. “God I knew there was a reason we kept you around Kit.” Christopher laughed and Thomas greedily threw the medicine back and swallowed it with a gulp of water.

  
Thomas thanked him and walked back to his room. The house stayed quiet for about four hours until someone started banging on the door which set off another round of groans. The four hours of quiet they got helped everyone’s hang over but the insistence banging was not doing wonders for their heads. 

  
Christopher laughed again looking unfairly chipper. Thomas walked into the living room as Christopher opened the door to see Lucie Herondale, James’ sister, and Cordelia Carstairs, Lucie’s best friend. They barged in with wide smiles on their faces. “Thomas!” Lucie said cheerily before running up to him and throwing her arms around him. Thomas let out a surprised ‘oof!’ before hugging her tightly back. 

  
Thomas had two older sisters but he had always counted Lucie as one because she was as close to him as his other sisters. Thomas' parents were very close with his friends' parents. His father, Gideon, and Christopher’s father, Gabriel, were brothers. Christpher’s mother was James and Lucie’s aunt. Christopher and his older sister, Anna, were James, Lucie, and Thomas’ cousin. Lucie and James’ parents, Will and Tessa, were best friends with Jem Carstairs who was Cordelia and Alastair’s, Cordelia’s older brother, cousin. Jem had taken Cordelia and Alastair in when they’re mother died. They’re father had left when Cordelia was born. It was all a bit confusing but Thomas considered them all family. Well almost all of them.

  
Alastair was a different story. Thomas had been in love with Alastair since he was 15, now here he was 6 years later still simping over the boy he would never be able to have. He didn’t mind though. His mother had taught him that it didn’t matter who he loved as long as they deserved it. Alastair was not a very kind person but Thomas was one of the only ones who ever saw past that, through his rough exterior to the kind person he was on the inside.

  
Just because Thomas could see Alastair didn’t make them friends though. They were acquaintances of course since his sister figure was in a band with Cordelia. They were all musically inclined.

  
Lucie and Cordelia both sang and played guitar. They had started a band with just the two of them when they were 16 around the same time Thomas, Matthew, James, and Christopher started theirs. The girls had named their band The Beautiful Cordelia as a joke but it quickly caught on. The four boys created their band which they named The Merry Thieves after Lucie’s nickname for them as children. Matthew had an amazing voice and occasionally played the piano, James was an amazing drummer, Thomas played guitar and he wrote their songs, Christopher played the bass guitar for them.

  
Cordelia’s older brother, Alastair, was a solo artist who wrote his own songs and performed them. Thomas had never heard a voice as great as his. It was raspy whereas Matthew’s was smooth. Alastair had so much more emotion than Thomas could even dream of singing with.

  
Thomas was brought back to the present when Lucie pulled back and laid a hand on his forehead. “Darling are you feeling okay?” Lucie gave just about everyone a nickname and for some reason instead of Tom or something of the like she simply called him Darling. At first everyone was shocked because they thought that meant that him and Lucie were dating but they quickly squashed those rumors.

  
Thomas grumbles in response to her question. She raises one eyebrow and Thomas feels a jolt of jealousy go through him. He’d never been able to do that. “He’s fine, just hung over. They had lots of fun last night.” Christopher said, smirking, Thomas glared at him. He lifted his eyes to look at Cordelia. She was in a pretty white sundress with flowers on it. She had open toed sandals on and her toenails were freshly painted. Thomas flashes her a smile that she returns quickly.

  
"Hello Cordelia.” She rolls her eyes. Thomas was the only one who called her by her full name and most people were under the impression it was meant to be teasing but honestly Thomas just found her name beautiful and incredibly underused. “Hello Thomas. If you don’t mind would you get the other boys? We have some news!” I nod and turn to go get them. 

  
They were in Matthew’s room now. The door was slightly ajar and from Thomas’ vantage point he could see James was sitting criss cross at the head of Matthew’s bed, he still looked slightly sick but he was smiling down at Matthew who had laid haphazardly down on the bed with his head in James’ lap. His eyes were closed but he had a smile on his face. I knock on the door not wanting to barge in.

  
James turned to look at him and Matthew opened his eyes. “Lucie and Cordelia would like to tell us something.” James nods and Matthew stretches before climbing off the bed. He turns and reaches a hand out to help James up. James grabs it and interlocks their fingers. Thomas sighed quietly. He wanted that, more so than he would ever willingly admit.

  
The boys walk into the living room, Thomas a few steps in front of James and Matthew. James goes to hug his sister and Matthew hugs Cordelia. Matthew and Cordelia were rather close because she had let him rant about James to her when he was pining. “What brings you to our beautiful home ladies?” Matthew said enthusiastically, Thomas had a strong suspicion that Matthew wasn’t even hung over. He had a very high tolerance for drinks. 

  
Cordelia and Lucie shared a bright smile. “Well,” Lucie started her smile getting bigger as she talked. “As you know all of our music has been taking off.” They all nod acknowledging the statement. It was true their music was getting big. It was even being played on the radio. They had each released an album. 

  
Lucie smiled at Cordelia again and Cordelia took over talking. “So we’ve been talking with our manager and we were wondering if you guys wanted to go on tour with us?” There was a collective gasp and it was silent for a second before everyone started talking over one another. “You’re kidding! This is a joke!” Matthew. “Yes! Yes yes yes! YES!” James. “For how long?” Christopher.

  
The girls laugh. “I can guarantee you this is not a joke. It would be for five months. And it would be split evenly between the three of us.” There was a round of cheers and Thomas watched as Matthew shot up and tackled Lucie and Cordelia where they were on the couch. “Oh my god you are my favorite people on earth!” Cordelia giggled and James smacked him on the back of the head. 

  
Matthew pulled away pouting at James and rubbing his head. “After you of course Jamie.” James rolled his eyes and pulled his sister and Cordelia in a hug as well, granted much gentler than Matthew had. “Thank you so much.” He said quietly the girls gave him a soft look and hugged him back.

  
The girls got up and started walking to the door. “I would start getting ready if I was you. We leave in a week.” Lucie said with a wink Matthew paled and put a hand to his forehead dramatically. “Lucie! You can’t spring this on me and only give me a week to get everything together!” Lucie laughed. “Calm down Matthew! You just have to pick comfy clothes and the costume people will pick our concert attire.” Matthew nods seemingly relaxing at the thought. 

  
The girls were almost to the door when a thought occurred to Thomas. “Girls?” They turn to look at him waiting for him to continue. “You said it was split evenly between three? Who else is going with us?” Lucie and Cordelia seemed to have a silent conversation before reaching a conclusion. Cordelia was the one to answer. “My brother.”

  
Thomas stared at them blankly. Alastair. He was so screwed. 


	2. Chapter Two

It had been two days since the girls had told them about the tour and Thomas was freaking out. How was he supposed to one, go out in front of all those people every night, two, see Alastair practically every day for five months? Thomas had barely packed anything, he was currently standing in his room staring at his suitcase which so far held a pair of sweatpants and his “Move, I’m gay.” t-shirt his friends had gotten him when he came out.

He hadn’t come out to anyone other than Matthew, James, Cordelia, Lucie, Christopher, and his sister Barbara. It wasn’t that he was scared to tell the rest of his family because they were very accepting of Matthew and James, but this voice in the back of his mind kept telling him that if he told his family they wouldn’t like it because it was their son.

Their only son. The only person in his family who could carry on the name. Well there was always Christopher and Anna but no one in his immediate family besides himself. Thomas also had quite the fanbase and did not want to find out what their opinion was. He was scared they would turn on him which had happened to others before.

So when he told his friends they kept his secret. They respected his reasons for not telling anyone but it didn’t keep them from telling him he was an idiot for not believing them when they said his family wouldn’t care. 

Thomas snapped out of his thoughts when he saw Matthew leaning against the door to Thomas’ room. Christopher and James were out with their families spending time with them before they left for the tour. 

“Thomas, sweetheart, love, dear friend of mine, please stop stressing. You’re stressing over Alastair more than I ever did over Jamie and that’s really saying something.” Thomas feels a familiar heat rise up to his face. He was blushing like a grade school girl. Was he really that obvious?

“No one can ever beat you in gay pining Matthew Fairchild.” Is what Thomas chose to say. Matthew threw his head back and laughed. “That may be but you sure are putting up a fight. I’m serious though Tom, the more you stress about it the worse it’ll be.” Matthew said flashing him a serious look. It looked out of place on Matthew’s face. It was a rare sight.

Thomas smiled slightly at him. Matthew had never liked Alastair much, something about childhood enemies, so it meant a lot that Matthew was being so chill about Thomas liking Alastair. “Thank you Matthew. I’m serious thank you.” Thomas says in a small voice smiling at Matthew crookedly. 

Matthew rolls his eyes and smirks. “It would make me a bit of a hypocritical asshole to have judged you for that. I’ve done far worse things than loving Alastair Carstairs.” It hit Thomas then just how much Matthew saw through him. As if he was glass. That’s what always made them so close. They were such total opposites that it was almost unbelievable just how they read each other so well.

Thomas smiled sincerely at Matthew and Matthew swatted his arm. “Okay enough seriousness I can only endure small doses at a time.” Thomas laughed and shook his head at his friend. Matthew laughed back. “Do you want some help packing? I’ve already finished.” 

Thomas smiled, that was such a Matthew thing. It was a common misconception that Matthew was a procrastinator. He was actually the opposite, he was one of those ungodly people who does things as soon as they are asked to.

“Of course you have Matthew.” Thomas said exasperated. “If you could, I would greatly appreciate it. I always forget something important.” Matthew gave him a knowing look. “Don’t worry Tom. I won’t let you forget anything important.” Thomas nods and they spend the next three hours packing. With a brief intermission where they had a pillow fight after Thomas accidentally hit Matthew with his pillow. 

At least he wasn’t as freaked out as he was before. 

Thomas, four days later, was standing in his parents living room laughing with a glass of wine in his hand. His mother was sitting on the sofa next to his father. 

His father, Gideon, was a successful politician like his father had been before he went corrupt. Unlike Thomas’ grandfather, Gideon was well loved among the people. Thomas’ father and mother, Sophie, had one of those sickeningly sweet love stories that they people loved. 

His father had gotten a maid when he was sixteen (spoiler, it was his Sophie). Gideon had been in love with her “from the moment he met her” and had done everything he could to see her. Including asking her to do just about anything and everything for him which his foolish teenage brain had thought was a brilliant idea. 

It wasn’t and Sophie had grown up despising him until one day they had a fight over scones, Thomas had always found that part hilarious. Once Gideon had had a chance to explain why there was a pile of scones under his bed Sophie had allowed him to take her on a date. And the rest was, well, history.

Thomas had always loved that story. He had grown up wanting one just like it, his two sisters were in the same boat. His oldest sister Barbara had found that in her current boyfriend Oliver. They had that cute barista, coffee addiction story. Oliver had to write his number on Barbara’s cut four times before she finally called him. They had been sickeningly lovey dovey ever since. Thomas’ other sister Eugenia hadn’t found that yet and so they whispered about how disgusting Barbara and Oliver were when they came to family dinners.

They were all sitting in the living room. Barbara was sitting in one of the lounge chairs next to Eugenia's chair. Thomas was sitting on the floor with his back against Barbara’s legs. “It was hilarious I have never seen him so red!” Barbara exclaimed in hysterics, over some story about Oliver spilling coffee all over some scary looking man covered in tattoos.

"What a Prince Charming." Thomas said tilting his head back so he could look up at his sister. Barbara smacked his face lightly and laughed. "Isn't he!" They all laugh again. Thomas looks back to his parents to see them both looking at him, sweet smiles on their faces. Thomas smiles back immediately. 

Tommy we're so proud of you." Sophie says in a soft voice. Thomas beams at her, it was no secret he was 100% a momma's boy. “Your music, your lyrics are who you are. We have always encouraged you to be your true self and you always are.” His father said affectionately. Thomas feels a ball of guilt tighten in his stomach. 

It was true they did always tell him to be himself. He wished he could be. He really really did, but alas it wasn’t the time. He couldn’t really tell them and then take off for five months. So he holds it in and flashes them a carefree smile.

“Thank you. I hope you know you’re all my inspiration. I wouldn’t be where I am without you.” I say looking around at all of them making a point to look at my sisters as well. Barbara smiles kindly at him. “As lovely as it is to hear your brother tell you you’re the inspiration to all his love songs, I do hope we’re not your _only_ inspiration.” 

I shove her and laugh. “ _Barb_! Stop! Not at all what I meant! Way to ruin a moment!” Barbara and Eugenia laugh and Gideon and Sophie roll their eyes fondly. “Okay! Okay! Sorry but Genie and I were wondering who you write all those love songs about!” Barbara says wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. I freeze and force a laugh out looking down at my hands. I clear my throat but no words come out.

“I think that’s quite enough girls.” Sophie said in her simultaneously kind and stern voice. The girls stop laughing and pout. “But-”

“You’re mother’s quite right, girls. I think we should leave poor Thomas alone.” Gideon says backing Sophie up as he always did. Thomas felt a rush of affection for his parents, so loving, so kind. So unlike some of his other friends' parents. He feels a pang of sadness go through him as he thinks of Matthew with his nice but absentee parents and Cordelia and Alastair whose father abandoned them and whose mother died.

"I love you all. I’m going to miss you quite a deal more than I thought I would.” His sisters each squeeze one of his hands. “Oh darling, you say that as if we aren’t going to call every night!” Sophie says with a sparkle in her eyes. Thomas groans acting annoyed but his smile is a dead give away. 

Gideon stands up and walks over to Thomas. “Thank you for coming and saying goodbye. We will miss you sorely, I wish I could stay longer but I have a pressing meeting I attend to.” Thomas smiles and stands up feeling his father’s arms around him. He holds on tightly. His father wasn’t the most affectionate person so it was nice when this happens. 

He squeezes one more time before Gideon lets him go. “It’s quite alright Pops. I’m glad I get the chance to see you all one more time before I head off. I would stop by tomorrow but we are heading out at five and I’m afraid I won’t get the chance.” Sophie smiled kindly walking over to him to hug him goodbye. 

"That’s quite alright Tommy, but don’t you dare forget to call when you leave and arrive no matter the time.” Thomas nods leaning down to rest his chin on his mother’s head. Thomas was quite tall and affectionately called ‘Giant’ by his sisters quite frequently so his mother and her petite figure didn’t even come up to his chin. 

Thomas pulls back and kisses his mother’s cheek. “I wouldn’t dream of it mum.” Sophie nods her approval and moves to let Eugenia hug him. “I hope you have fun, Tommy, but not too much.” she says, pulling away enough for him to see her wink before pulling him back in and whispering, “But remember protection, we don’t want any little feet running around just yet.” 

Thomas pulls away abruptly sputtering. Eugenia laughed and pats his shoulder. “Genie!” He says betrayed. She laughs again before moving out of his way. “Now get out and go see the world brother!” Thomas shakes his head and waves to his mother, father, and sister once more before walking to the door with Barbara.

They stepped outside the door and Barbara closed it softly before turning to Thomas, it was then that Thomas noticed the tears in her eyes. He frowns and shakes his head. “Don’t you dare start crying Barb, you know it makes me cry.” Barbara let out a wet laugh before pulling him in close for a hug. He melts into it.

Out of all his family he was closest to Barbara, mostly due to the fact that he didn’t have to hide anything with her. “I do suggest you keep me updated with Alastair. I mean it. Every detail. If he sneezes I want to know. She says tears started to slide down her face. Thomas feels the back of his throat and his nose start to burn.

He clings to Barbara tighter. “Stop it. I’m crying now stop it!” He says pathetically, starting to shake slightly. Barbara hugs him tightly once more before pulling away and hastily wiping the tears off her face. “Sorry sorry don’t cry it’ll make me worse and it’ll be an endless cycle.” Thomas laughed and nodded, drying his own eyes.

Barbara smiled at Thomas through her wet eyes, she placed a hand on each of his shoulders. “I love you Tommy don’t forget that.” She pulled away and smiled wider. She reached up to her neck and unclasped her necklace. It was just a chain and Thomas wondered what it was for before she handed it to him and took her ring off her finger. It had footprints around the band. It was very pretty Thomas had to admit.

Barbara handed it to him and flipped it so he could see the writing on the inside. He frowned and took it from her so he could hold it closer and read it. He felt tears building in his eyes as he read it. ‘Where we go, we go as one.’ It was something Barbara had been saying to him since he was five. Thomas felt the tears slide down his face and grabbed Barbara in a bone crushing hug. 

She laughed but Thomas could hear the tears in her voice. “Thank you.” He whispered through the tears. Barbara sighed and patted his back before whispering a quiet, “Always.” and pulling away. 

She shoved him away without bothering to wipe her tears. “Okay now go you big loof.” Thomas smiled and kissed her cheek before turning and walking back to his car. He missed them already.


	3. Chapter Three

Thomas stood next to James staring at the tour bus. It was huge. It wasn’t like normal tour buses since there were so many of us. There weren’t bunk beds like Thomas had suspected, no there were literal rooms. There were two rooms with beds in them and Thomas was freaking out. This was so cool! 

There were three buses, one for the Merry Thieves, one for Beautiful Cordelia, and the other for Alastair. Each had their respective names on one side of the bus and pictures of them on the other. There were two rooms in each bus so Cordelia, Lucie, and Alastair got their own room. 

It was decided that, since Matthew and James were dating, they would share a room and Christopher and Thomas were sharing a room. Matthew and Christopher were already inside looking around but Thomas was still standing looking at the bus because this, this was real. He was so scared and nervous and excited. He didn’t want to get on the bus yet because that made it real and was he ready for that?

James seemed to be having the same thoughts but was ripped from his thoughts by Matthew dragging him excitedly up the bus stairs to show him around. Thomas wanted to move but it was like his feet were bolted to the ground.

He stood there for at least five more minutes until a voice caught his attention. “You alright there Lightwood? You look a little sick.” Thomas turns to see Alastair, his dyed blonde hair catching the light. He had always thought Alastair looked better with his naturally dark hair but who was he to judge?

Thomas gave him a tightlipped smile and let out a shaky laugh. “Yeah I’m fine. Just a little, anxious, I guess?” Alastair gave him a knowing look and walked close so they were standing side by side. “I know it looks a little daunting,” Alastair says looking at the tour bus. “But don’t let it get to you. You’ll have fun I promise. Plus everyone gets close on tour like it or not so you’ll always have all of us if you need it.” Alastair says shrugging as if that sentence hadn’t just rocked Thomas’ world.

Of course his friends would be there for him but did Alastair just say he would too? Not that Thomas would ever go to him if something was wrong. He hated bothering people. Thomas flashed him a reserved smile and thanked him. 

Alastair looked at Thomas as if he was expecting something. When Thomas looked at him confused Alastair just huffed and grabbed Thomas’ wrist, pulling him up the bus, not unlike how Matthew had pulled James earlier. Thomas’ stomach started doing a weird fluttery thing and his wrist felt like it was burning. Was it hot? It definitely got hot. 

When they got inside they saw James and Matthew laughing on one of the couches. When Matthew turned to look at them and saw Alastair’s hand on Thomas’ wrist his eyebrows shot up and he gave Thomas a questioning look. Alastair let go quickly.

“Glad to see you finally joined us Thomas. Though it looks like you needed some help.” Thomas laughed stiffly and walked over, hitting Matthew on the back of the head before heading towards the rooms. He saw Christopher laid out on one of the beds and immediately regretted sharing a room with him.

How could Thomas have forgotten that Christopher one, took up the entire bed, two, was a blanket hot, and three, snored like there was no tomorrow. Thomas groaned loudly and threw his suitcase on the bed, careful not to hit Christopher, before walking back to the living room area of the bus.

Matthew and James were smirking at him and Thomas glared at them while Alastair stood by the table looking rather confused. “Y’all set me up!” Thomas says indignantly. James rolled his eyes and Matthew smiled at him innocently. “I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about Tom.” Thomas groaned loudly and flopped on the couch flipping Matthew off. 

Alastair looked at Thomas curiously, “Is everything alright Lightwood?” Thomas huffed again before turning to Alastair. “Matthew and James are sharing a room cause they’re a thing and so Christopher and I are sharing a room and it didn’t occur to me that he takes the entire bed, snores, and steals the covers.” Thomas all but whines. Alastair looked at him amused.

“You do know I have two rooms on my bus right? You could just sleep in my bus I won’t bite.” Thomas felt his face burning and Matthew laughed behind him. “There you go Tom no need to fret, your knight in shining armor will come to your rescue.” Thomas glared as Alastair laughed and James hit Matthew on the back of the head. 

Matthew frowned and swatted James hand away moving so he could put his head in James’ lap. James immediately began running his fingers through Matthew’s hair. Thomas smiled at them, they were literally so cute. Thomas wanted that. 

He turned to Alastair and looked at him warily. “Are you sure you don’t mind? It’s not that big a deal I’m just complaining.” Alastair laughed and shook his head. “No it’s fine I promise. It’ll get lonely by myself after a while anyway.” Thomas smiled at him. “Thank you so much you’re a lifesaver!” Thomas said getting up and picking his suitcase up off the bed in Christopher’s room before walking back out and following Alastair back to his bus. 

“Hey thanks again.” Thomas said walking up the stairs of Alastair’s bus. “Lightwood seriously, it's fine stop thanking me.” Thomas clenched his jaw and nodded walking into the empty room. He fell back onto his bed and watched as Alastair threw him a smirk. Thomas was about to say something when their phones went off simultaneously. 

They both picked up, Thomas smiled when he heard Barbara’s enthusiastic voice on the other side. “Thomas you won’t believe what just happened!” She all but screamed in his ear. Thomas quickly pulled it away from his ear before she ruptured his eardrum. “Jesus Barbara don’t make me go deaf. I rather enjoy my hearing ability.” Barbara laughed and sniffed. Thomas felt a wave of dread wash over him. 

“Barb? Are you crying? Are you okay?” Thomas saw Alastair turn to him concerned before his attention as back on his sister. “Thomas I’m fine! He proposed! OLIVER PROPOSED!” Thomas burst out laughing and Alastair shot him a look before mouthing, Cordelia, and leaving Thomas to talk with Barbara.

“Oh my god Barbara congrats!” Thomas said enthusiastically. Barbara sniffs again before laughing more. “What did mum and pops say?” Thomas asked, smiling as if this was happening to him. “I haven’t told them yet! I wanted to tell you first!” Barbara said excitedly. “Aww! This is why you’re my favorite! Genie would have kept me out of the loop forever!” Thomas said admittedly giddy.

“For real though Barbara, I’m so happy for you, I’m glad you finally got your happily ever after.” Thomas said softly into the phone. Barbara laughs and he hears another voice in the background. “Thank you, Tommy.” Barbara says, her smile evident in her voice. “Is that Oliver?” Thomas asks.

Barbara chuckles again, she hadn’t stopped since she called him. “Yeah. We’re on our way home to tell mum and pops.” Thomas smiles picturing his father’s proud face and his mother’s tears which were inevitably going to fall. 

“May I speak with him really quickly?” Thomas asks, smiling. Barbara hesitated before there was a rustling noise on their side and then Oliver’s voice is coming through the speaker. “Hello?” Oliver says and Thomas smiles and the nervous tint in his voice.

“Hey are you on speaker phone?” Thomas asks and Oliver chuckles anxiously. “Um no I’m not.” Thomas nods. He actually really liked Oliver. He obviously cared a lot about his sister and was a kind person. Thomas had been rooting for him from the get go.

Thomas put on her stern voice before talking. “Okay so I’m going to say this because someone has to and my dad is too put together to do it.” Oliver audibly gulps and Thomas smiles knowing that Oliver is intimidated enough to actually listen to him.

“If you hurt her in any way I will not hesitate to beat your ass to hell and back is that understood? And you should know I have at least five friends who would help me hide your body where no one would ever look.” Oliver laughs breathlessly and says, “Understood.” Thomas laughs and lightens his voice, his friends always told him he sounded scary when he got serious, but it didn’t happen often enough to be a problem.

“Good and Oliver?” Oliver lets out a shaky ‘yes’. “I’m really glad you two are together.” Thomas says smiling. Oliver laughs again, his laugh dripping with relief. “Thanks man.” Thomas nods and says, “Okay now put Barbara back on.” 

There was rustling again and then Barbara’s bright voice was back. “Please tell me you didn’t scare him too badly.” Barbara said and Thomas could hear a honk in the background. “I didn’t and I’m going to let you go because you’re driving and I just remembered that.” Thomas said feeling bad that he had forgotten she was calling and driving.

Barbara laughed, “I was wondering why you weren’t hanging up on me yet.” Thomas rolled his eyes, “Shut up and go away.” Thomas said though it held no bite. “Yeah yeah love you too little brother.” Thomas laughed. “Love you too call me tonight!” Barbara laughed and promised she would before hanging up.

Thomas sat on his bed a little longer a stupid smile on his face. His sister was getting married. That was such a crazy thought to Thomas, he remembered sitting down with her and helping her plan her wedding when she was ten. Now it was real, now there was no cut out picture of Chris Evans in a tux, now it was Oliver. Someone she truly loved (not that her love for Chris was fake god only knows how real that was).

Thomas stood up and walked to the living room to see Alastair and Cordelia sitting there laughing. Cordelia looked surprised to see Thomas and looked to her brother with a question in her eyes. Thomas smiled at her and looked at Alastair (something he couldn’t help at this point, his eyes always seemed to find Alastair.) who appeared to be blushing? 

Thomas mentally shook his head, because no way was Alastair blushing. He simply did not do that. Alastair let out a tense laugh. “He had to share a room with Christopher who is a fright to sleep with so I offered my extra room to him.” Cordelia nodded and gave Alastair a look Thomas couldn’t identify. “Oh of course, how kind of you Alistair.” Cordelia said in a teasing voice.

Thomas didn’t understand what she was teasing him about, it was kind of Alastair to let him stay in his bus. Alastiar shoved Cordelia lightly before standing up. “Has Anna said how long it will be before we get to our first stop?” Alastair asked his sister. Cordelia shook her head and shrugged.

“No, but she said we get a week in the first spot to set everything up and get used to it. We’re doing a few pop up shows too.” Thomas nods along with Alastair. He had been meaning to ask that as well.

“I think I’m gonna spend the road trip part in Matthew and their bus.” Thomas said walking towards the door. Cordelia stood up and followed him. “I will as well, Lucie is already there. Alastair, joon, are you coming?” Alastair seemed to consider it for a moment before nodding and grabbing his phone from where it was on the table.

As soon as the three of them got on the other boys bus, they started the traveling part of their trip. Thomas was once again seated next to Alastair and watched as Alastair talked passionately about his last tour. 

Thomas couldn’t help but notice all the little things Alastair did. All the small subconscious things he did when he was upset, or happy, or excited. He sat there and wondered if Alastair ever noticed the small things Thomas did. 

Thomas stood up and went to grab his songwriting journal he left in Christopher’s room before sitting back down next to Alastair. He decided that he would do what he did best when he wanted answers but didn’t know how to ask. 

He’d write a song.


	4. Chapter 4

Everyone had a lot of pent up energy on the trip. Cordelia and Lucie had been laughing and joking for the past hour while Matthew had fallen asleep almost immediately after we left. James was talking to Christopher about something while playing with Matthew’s fingers. Christopher was enthusiastic as ever.

Thomas sat beside Alastair who was plucking at the black guitar resting in his lap. “You want to play something?” Thomas asked him kindly. Thomas loved hearing Alastair play, it put him in a calm place.

Alastair chuckled and shrugged. “Sure, do you want to sing?” Thomas blushed and looked down laughing awkwardly. “Um, I don’t really sing. Not often anyway.” Alastair’s eyes lit up, “Oh well then you must Thomas. I do not think I’ve ever actually heard you sing.” Matthew made a noise of conformation from across the room.

“That would be accurate. Thomas doesn’t sing in front of people. We only ever hear it when he’s showing up a new song.” Thomas blushed at the attention. He really didn’t want to sing but he knew that if Alastair asked him again he wouldn’t be able to say no.

“Alright Lightwood now I really want to hear you sing.” Alastair said smiling challengingly at him. Thomas scoffed. “Okay fine. What are you going to play?” Alastair smiled brightly and looked away for a moment to think. “You choose I know the guitar part to most of y’alls songs.” Alastair turned away blushing as he said it but Thomas found it endearing. “Okay what about,” Thomas trailed off thinking.

“What about In My Blood?” Thomas asked shyly. He had written In My Blood during the period of time when he was questioning his sexuality. He had been having a really hard time and on top of that when he realized he liked boys he had been fed up with the world. His sister had been there for him. She had reminded him that it was okay and it would be okay and that his family would always be there for him. He had written the song when he realized that his family was strong, they had overcome so many obstacles, and he was part of that family so he had it in his blood to be strong.

Alastair smiled and started playing the beginning chords as Thomas sat back and closed his eyes before clearing his throat and singing.

_Help me, it's like the walls are caving in_

_Sometimes I feel like giving up_

_But I just can't_

_It isn't in my blood_

_Laying on the bathroom floor, feeling nothing_

_I'm overwhelmed and insecure, give me something_

_I could take to ease my mind slowly_

_Just have a drink and you'll feel better_

_Just take her home and you'll feel better_

_Keep telling me that it gets better_

_Does it ever?_

_Help me, it's like the walls are caving in_

_Sometimes I feel like giving up_

_No medicine is strong enough_

_Someone help me_

_I'm crawling in my skin_

_Sometimes I feel like giving up_

_But I just can't_

_It isn't in my blood_

_It isn't in my blood_

_I'm looking through my phone again, feeling anxious_

_Afraid to be alone again, I hate this_

_I'm tryna find a way to chill, can't breathe, oh_

_Is there somebody who could help me?_

_It's like the walls are caving in_

_Sometimes I feel like giving up_

_No medicine is strong enough_

_Someone help me_

_I'm crawling in my skin_

_Sometimes I feel like giving up_

_But I just can't_

_It isn't in my blood_

_It isn't in my blood_

_I need somebody now_

_I need somebody now_

_Someone to help me out_

_I need somebody now_

_Help me, it's like the walls are caving in_

_Sometimes I feel like giving up_

_But I just can't_

_It isn't in my blood_

_It isn't in my blood, oh, oh_

_It isn't in my blood_

_I need somebody now_

_It isn't in my blood_

_I need somebody now_

_It isn't in my blood_

Thomas doesn’t open his eyes until Alastair plays the last chord. When he does everyone’s watching him. Thomas gulps and laughs nervously. “Sorry I know that wasn’t very good. I really should stick to songwriting.” They continued to stare at him and he felt heat rushing towards his face. 

Thomas clears his throat and Lucie snaps out of her stupor first. “Darling that was amazing.” She said quietly, still staring with wide eyes. Cordelia who’s sitting next to her nods emphatically. “I didn’t know you could sing like that.” Cordelia says blinking quickly as if to clear her thoughts. Matthew nods and has a proud look on his face.

“If he wasn’t so shy I honestly probably would be guitarist and he’d be the singer.” Thomas scoffs, “As if Matthew.” Matthew rolls his eyes and James shakes his head. James always asks him to sing but he always refuses so he was sure that it was suspicious that he had done it without much prompting for Alastair. James winks at Thomas and Thomas glares. Damn now James knew too. 

Thomas wouldn’t be shocked if Matthew had already told James about him like Alastair, Matthew told James everything. It was common knowledge that if you tell Matthew something it was the same thing as telling James.

Thomas looked away from them and found himself looking at Alastair who was still sitting silently regarding Thomas with curious eyes. Thomas shifted uncomfortably. “I have to say Lightwood that wasn’t what I expected.” Alastair said quietly, his eyes not faltering as he watched Thomas. 

Thomas chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” Alastair smiled slowly before shaking his head and looking away. “Definitely a good thing.” Thomas smiled and watched him for a second longer before turning away. Alastair had the ability to turn Thomas into a smiling idiot by a single look but that didn’t mean Thomas would let him see it.

Thomas turned back to Alastair with a smug smile, “You’re turn.” Alastair rolled his eyes but started strumming his guitar. Thomas recognized the song immediately. It happened to be Thomas’ favorite song Alastair had written.

It had been about an ex, one that they all actually knew. His ex was Charles who was Matthew’s older brother. They had dated in secret and then when it came out the fans just about lost their minds. Charles was following in his mom’s footsteps and was very involved in politics so when everything came out everyone rallied behind Alastair and started hating on Charles, even though Alastair had told them not to. They weren’t friends but they weren’t enemies. 

When Thomas had found out he had been jealous before hearing the whole story from Cordelia and how Charles had used him and messed with his head. Matthew had screamed at his brother for hours and then didn’t talk to him for six months when it happened.

_Remember all the things we wanted_

_Now all our memories, they're haunted_

_We were always meant to say goodbye_

_Even with our fists held high_

_It never would have worked out right_

_We were never meant for do or die_

_I didn't want us to burn out_

_I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop_

_I want you to know_

_That it doesn't matter_

_Where we take this road_

_But someone's gotta go_

_And I want you to know_

_You couldn't have loved me better_

_But I want you to move on_

_So I'm already gone_

_Looking at you makes it harder_

_But I know that you'll find another_

_That doesn't always make you wanna cry_

_It started with the perfect kiss then_

_We could feel the poison set in_

_"Perfect" couldn't keep this love alive_

_You know that I love you so_

_I love you enough to let you go_

_I want you to know_

_That it doesn't matter_

_Where we take this road_

_But someone's gotta go_

_And I want you to know_

_You couldn't have loved me better_

_But I want you to move on_

_So I'm already gone_

_So I'm already gone_

_Remember all the things we wanted_

_Now all our memories, they're haunted_

_We were always meant to say goodbye_

_I want you to know_

_That it doesn't matter_

_Where we take this road_

_But someone's gotta go_

_And I want you to know_

_You couldn't have loved me better_

_But I want you to move on_

_So I'm already gone_

_I'm already gone_

  
  


_Remember all the things we wanted_

_Now all our memories, they're haunted_

_We were always meant to say goodbye_

Alastair finished with a small smile. Thomas let out an inaudible sigh and just looked at Alastair as people commented on his singing and his song. 

Thomas was well aware of the fact that Alastair was attractive. He was quite the opposite of Thomas really. Where Alastair was all sharp angles and darkness, Thomas was muscular and bright. Alastiar was an icon, many people called him that, he got a lot of hate for being Persian and gay but he kept his head up and was there to support those like him. Thomas couldn’t help but admire that.

He was still in the closet and the worst thing people say about him is that he was the worst person in the band but that never got to him because it was just their fans' way of choosing favorites and quite honestly he would’ve chosen any of his friends before himself too.

Thomas realized with a start that he was no longer staring at Alastair’s face, but at his eyes. Thomas looked down embarrassed at having been caught. He looked back up with a soft smile he reserved for only his closest friends. “That was really good.” He said quietly. Alastair’s face lit up completely and his cheeks turned a faint red.

Thomas cleared his throat and looked up again seeing everyone’s curious eyes on them. “Anna, how long do we have until we get there?” Anna got her phone out and checked the time. “We have about an hour and a half so if you want to take a nap, go take a nap, because as soon as we get there all of you are rehearsing.”

Matthew stands up and stretches walking his room without a work James watches him leave and after a second's hesitation (go Jamie refraining himself) goes after him. Anna takes James’ now vacant spot and Christopher sprawls out next to her, his feel in her lap. She takes out her phone and starts playing a game, resting her hands on his ankles. 

“Christopher has his eyes closed and Thomas looks at the girls. Lucie yawned and Thomas smiled at her fondly. “You know he won’t mind you using his room for a nap.” Thomas said, gesturing to Christopher who nodded his head without opening his eyes. Lucie smiled and stood up dragging Cordelia behind her. “Thank Kit.” She says stopping to pat Thomas’ cheek.

Thomas stretches before sinking back into the couch Alastair does the same but instead of settling back against the couch, he turns and put his legs over the side of the couch and places his head in Thomas’ lap.

Thomas tries to hide his blush by tilting his head back and closing his eyes, a stupid smile dancing on his lips. “Are you going to sleep?” Alastair’s voice whispers and Thomas looks down at him, Alastair’s blonde hair splayed out in his lap. Thomas shakes his head and tries his hardest to control his hands, which are twitching at the thought of running his hands through Alastair’s hair.

Thomas wondered if his hair was soft, it wasn’t the first time he had thought that but the desire to run his fingers through it grew nonetheless. 

“What are you most excited for?” Alastair’s dark eyes were peering at Thomas through his dark lashes. Thomas scrunched his nose up causing Alastair to smile. “Honestly I don’t know. I’m excited to meet fans I guess. Much less excited to have to perform for them though.” Alastair shook his head and Thomas tried very hard not to focus on the feeling.

“You shouldn’t be nervous. That’s one of the best feelings, all the energy and excitement.” Thomas thought about it. They had had concerts before, they just hadn’t gone on tour. He had performed for people plenty of times and Alastair was right, the atmosphere was electric when they played. 

Thomas felt a smile pulling at his lips at the memories of the last concert. They had been playing one of their well known songs and Matthew had stopped singing momentarily to catch his breath but the fans kept singing. Matthew had stopped altogether and let the fans finish the song. Thomas, Matthew, James, and Christopher were all in tears at the end because here were at least two hundred fans screaming the lyrics to their song. The song Thomas wrote. It was such an overwhelming feeling that they had to sit there and talk to their fans for ten minutes so Matthew’s voice could go back to normal.

Thomas was so immersed in the memory that he hadn’t noticed when he started running his hands through Alastair’s hair. He came to when Alastair leaned into the touch. Thomas’ hand froze and Alastair opened his previously closed eyes. 

Thomas took a chance and resumed running his hands through Alastair’s hair. Alastair’s eyes closed again. Thomas had been right Alastair’s hair was very soft and felt like silk as Thomas’ guitar calloused hands ran through it. 

“I guess you’re right I like the energy they have when performing.” Alastair makes a noise of agreement and shudders slightly. Thomas smiled again and put his head back against the couch again. “What are you most excited about?” Thomas asked.

“I’m excited to meet fans too. I love when they write notes and stuff. I always keep them. It constantly amazes me that people care enough that they write letters but I like hearing all their stories and journeys. It makes all this worth it.” Thomas smiled down at him even though Alastair couldn’t see it with his eyes closed. 

This was what Thomas loved about Alastair. He did things for other people because he cared about them deeply. He never did anything unless it made people happy. Most people saw it as something else, something selfish but Thomas didn’t understand how they could be so blind as to not see how selfless Alastair was.

Thomas brushed a piece of hair out of Alastair’s face and let the silence settle on them like a warm blanket. 

It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence like it was with most people. This was comfortable. Something he could do all the time if he had a chance. It wasn’t lonely or confusing, it was peaceful.

Thomas didn’t realize he drifted off until he was awoken by someone shaking his shoulders gently. Thomas opened his eyes slowly and saw Alastair’s beaming face in front of him. “Come on Lightwood we’re here!” He said as if he was a kid at an amusement park.

Thomas chuckled and sat up stretching his back. “I’m awake. I’m coming.” Alastair rolled his eyes and then got off the bus quickly. Thomas yawned and stood up. Cordelia was standing in front of him with pensive eyes. 

“Thomas be careful with him.” She said, leaving the bus before he could ask her what she meant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs:  
> In My Blood by Shawn Mendes  
> Already Gone by Sleeping At Last


	5. Chapter 5

Thomas thought he might die if he had to sing the same songs one more time today. Cordelia and Lucie had gone to practice in a studio a floor above them and Alastair had gone to rehearse for about an hour before he was whisked away for his first pop up concert at a bar about ten minutes away. 

The boys were currently taking a break. Christopher was drinking from his half empty water bottle and Matthew was sitting on a wooden stool talking animatedly about the tour to James who was listening with a wide smile.

Thomas looked down at his guitar and opened his song book. He flipped to the page where he had written the song about Alastair. He hadn’t given it a name yet but he started messing with some chords until he had a short song. He started strumming softly and singing under his breath. 

_And baby when you sleep, do you dream of me?_

_And when you're awake, do you think of me?_

_I need to know, how do you feel?_

_Cause baby when I sleep, I dream of you_

_And when I'm awake, that's all I do_

_Think about every detail you have_

_Do you notice when I get mad, I clench my jaw?_

_Do you notice when I get sad, I tend to fall?_

_Look at my words I say to you_

_Cause I notice when you get mad_

_You close your eyes_

_And I notice when you are sad_

_You let out sighs_

_I need to know are those sighs ever over me?_

_Do you know how in love with you_

_I am_

_Do you see how in love with you_

_I am_

_Everything that you do, it makes my heart stop_

_Oh, it stops_

_And baby when you sleep, do you dream of me?_

Thomas stops strumming and leans over to write some notes in his notebook. He always teaked chords about twenty times before he was happy with it. He had managed to capture his feelings about Alastair through the lyrics. How he noticed all the small things that Alastair did and how he hoped Alastair did the same things.

How Alastair had the innate ability to make his heart stop when he came near him, or how ninety percent of his dreams revolved around him. Thomas didn’t realize he was smiling brightly until James spoke up. “Thomas, did you write that about Alastair?” 

Thomas looked up and blushed. “Um, yeah. It’s not very good and it’s kinda short so we don’t have to play it or anything obviously I was just messing around.” Matthew rolled his eyes before saying, more exasperated than anything Thomas had heard him say before, “Tommy, we love all of your songs you know this. Stop being self conscious about them, they're amazing.” Tomas blushed again and laughed nervously.

“Thomas,” Christopher said and everyone looked over at him. He was looking at Thomas with a calculating expression. “What if you sang that at one of our concerts? It doesn’t have to be the first one or anything, but one it would change things up, and two, our fans have never heard you sing. They would lose their minds.” James and Matthew’s faces light up. “Oh my god yes! That’s perfect Thomas you have to!” James said excitedly.

“I could play the piano for it! Thomas it would be perfect!” Thomas was a blushing stuttering mess at this point. “Are you guys kidding? No! I would freeze in front of everyone! Not to mention Alastair would be there and I wrote it for him and I do not by any means want him to hear it!” The other boys groan and Christopher gives him a pointed look.

“Just think about it.” Thomas sighed. “Kit-” Christopher shook his head. “No, I’m serious. Promise us you’ll think about it.” Thomas looked at all of them. Each of them wearing a desperate expression. Thomas threw his head back and groaned loudly. “Fine. I’ll think about it, but no promises guys.” They all smile at him. 

“Yes!” Kit said excitedly. Matthew and James high five and Thomas rolls his eyes. Matthew turns to him expectantly. “Do you have any other new songs Thomas?” Thomas nods his head and picks up his notebook again, this time tossing it to Matthew. He was protective of his songwriting journal but he didn’t mind it those three looked at it.

“What if we learned some songs and performed a new one every concert?” James asked and Matthew tapped the side of his noise. Thomas laughed, those two and their same thought process could be damned. 

Thomas shrugged. “I don’t care, we can do that if you want.” The boys all nod and Matthew smiles. “I’m gonna go make some copies of this so James and Christopher can read it.” Matthew says standing up. Thomas nods. “Knock yourself out.” He said plucking the song again.

Matthew came back five minutes later. “Ya know Thomas, I have a really good feeling about these songs. The lyrics are all so good.” Thomas laughed. “Thanks, let’s get started.” And with that, they go back to rehearsing.

They met up with the girls for lunch after about around two more hours of practicing. Lucie was beaming speaking quickly, the way she always did when she was excited. Matthew and Cordelia were listening with rapt attention. James, Christopher, and Thomas were talking about songs. Christopher and James were pestering Thomas about singing again.

“What are you talking about?” Lucie said, abruptly turning her, Matthew, and Cordelia’s attention to the other three. “Thomas has a few songs that are really good that we want him to sing on tour with us but he’s ‘considering’ it.” Christopher said, using air quotations to emphasize that Thomas was not, in fact, considering it.

“Oh I think you should.” A deep voice said from behind him. Thomas turned to look at Alastair as he slumped into the chair next to him. He had a huge smile on and was practically radiating energy. Thomas bumped his shoulder with his own, “How was the show?” 

Alastair’s smile was blinding. “It was so amazing. I’d almost forgotten how it felt. Everyone was screaming, singing, jumping. Surprisingly a lot of people knew about me and the word spread fast.” Alastair laughed and Thomas smiled at him. He loved when Alastair was excited. He so rarely saw it.

“But really Thomas, you should sing at the concerts. The fans would go nuts.” Thomas groaned at the return of the conversation he didn’t want to have. “Maybe they would but they all love Matthew and I don’t want them to be disappointed that he isn’t singing.” Matthew rolled his eyes and reached over the table to flick Thomas’ forehead from the spot across from him. Thomas huffed and rubbed his forehead.

“They aren’t going to be disappointed Tom. Your new songs are really good, and you have an amazing voice. If anything they’ll ask you to sing more.” Matthew said glaring at Thomas, daring him with a look to contradict him again. Alastair turned to Thomas, “New songs?” He asked quietly. Thomas just nodded glaring down at his salad. 

“What are they about.” Alastair asked innocently, blissfully unaware of how strongly that affected Thomas. Thomas’ face caught fire and he made a sheepish sound. “Umm, I mean, a bunch of different things I guess. One’s about my sister, a few about a guy. I don’t know different things I guess.” 

Thomas looks up to wide eyes and is momentarily confused until he realizes what he just said. He was about to stutter out an excuse when Alastair tilts his head and looks at him contemplatively. “You’re gay?” Thomas groans and puts his head in his hands, sliding down in his seat as far as he could. It didn’t help hide his face though, not with his too tall frame.

“That slipped out, kindly ignore that.” Alastair laughed and shook his head. “No way am I ignoring that but I won’t bring it up.” He said emphasizing it with a wink that made Thomas want the floor to swallow him whole. Thomas felt like his whole body was hot. “You’re not telling anyone.” Matthew said with a hint of threatening finality in his voice. Alastair looked at Matthew annoyed, “Obviously Fairchild. I’m not going to out him.” Matthew just rolled his eyes and slumped against James who was currently looking at something on his phone.

Alastair turned back to Thomas about to say something when James made an alarmed sound before proceeding to choke on his sandwich. Matthew turned around looking at him concerned before hitting his back roughly. James stopped choking and grabbed the water Lucie was offering him. “Jesus Jamie are you okay?” Matthew asked concern in his voice. James ignored him and glared at Thomas.

“Thomas Lightwood how dare you not tell us!” Everyone looked at Thomas confused and he stared at James in equal confusion. “Excuse me?” Thomas asked uncomfortably. What had he not told them? James’ eyes narrowed further. “You’re sister! Barbara? Anything you wish to share?” Thomas barked a laugh rolling his eyes. “James, she wanted to tell people.” James stuck his tongue out. “That doesn’t mean you can just not tell us! We’re family!”

Lucie cut in, “I’m sorry we seem to be missing a large portion of this conversation.” She said gesturing to the rest of them. Thomas smiled at her. “Oliver proposed to Barbara.” Matthew, Christopher, Lucie, and Cordelia all burst into excited chatter and Thomas laughs pulling out his phone.

He called Barbara who answered on the second ring. “Hey Tommy!” She said in his ear. He laughed, “They just found out Ollie proposed.” He said referring to her fiance by his nickname Barbara had given him when she was pining over him before they started dating. He heard her laugh and then moved his phone to the middle of the table so she could hear.

He took it back after about twenty seconds. Alastair leaned over to him and Thomas felt his breath catch. Alastair was so close his lips were only centimeters away from Thomas’ cheek. Alastair stared Thomas in the eyes as he did so before whispering quietly, “Hello Barbara.” And moving back. Thomas let out a quick and shaky huff. “Who was that?” Barbara questioned over the phone. “Alastair.” Thomas said in a weak voice. Barbara squealed slightly, “Oh! Tell him I said hi and put my on speaker phone. I want to talk to Lucie.” Thomas did so.

Lucie took the phone excitedly all but screaming into it when she got it. Thomas laughed and turned to Alastair who had an unreadable expression on. “Barabara said hello to you too.” Thomas said, leaning away from Christopher who was talking excitedly with his whole body. Thomas had learned it was safest to get out of arm's reach when Christopher got like this.

It just so happened that he was leaning halfway on top of Alastair who was smirking at him. Thomas huffed and went to move back right as Christopher brought his hand, now in a fist, back. Christopher punched him in the face and Thomas let out a startled yelp falling back on Alastair.  
Christopher looked at him guiltily. “Sorry Tommy.” He said frowning at Thomas’ cheek, which was now red. Thomas shook his head moving his jaw. “Christopher you are the only person I know who could accidentally punch someone in the face.” Lucie said looking at Thomas concerned. 

Thomas felt something squirm beneath him and moved to get off, now acutely aware that he had fallen in Alastair’s lap. Alastair’s arms wrapped around Thomas’ waist, pulling his back down. He kept one arm around Thomas in an iron grip, the other going up to Thomas’ jaw to look at it. Thomas kept squirming, growing increasingly more uncomfortable. 

Alastair let out an aggravated groan. “Lightwood stop moving. I’m just trying to see your jaw so would you please stop squirming.” Thomas sighed and stopped moving, his entire body was tensed. Alastiar relaxed his grip and let his hand rest on Thomas’ hip. Thomas felt as if he hadn’t had anything to drink in a week, his throat was so dry.

After what felt like ages, Alastair dropped his hand from where it had been cupping Thomas’ jaw. “It’ll bruise but you’ll be okay.” Thomas rolled his eyes and got up, only slightly disappointed that Alastair hadn’t stopped him again.

“I’m going to get a coffee. Anyone want anything?” Thomas asks looking around the table, there was a chorus of no’s. Thomas nods and turns around, instead of going to the counter though he goes outside. It had been much too claustrophobic in there and the cool air from outside had made Thomas feel as if he could finally breathe. 

He had dealt with anxiety for as long as he could remember. That tended to happen when you grew up listening to bullies and always waiting to be messed with. Thomas shuddered at the thought and turned his head slightly as two who were staring in the window of the shop started squealing. “It is them! I told you Jesslyn! It’s all three bands! Oh my god it’s Alastair!” A girl with hair so blonde it looked white said.

Thomas rolled his eyes, Alastair’s fans tended to find him wherever he went. The other girl, who had bubblegum pink hair laughed. “You and your love for Alastair! I’m much more excited to see Matthew. I swear we’re soulmates.” Thomas smirked at that. It was common knowledge for anyone that had ever met him that Matthew was one hundred percent head over heels for James. If they didn’t end up together (which Thomas knew for a fact they would) Matthew would end up alone.

“Where’s Thomas?” The blonde one said, Thomas was about to say something when the pink haired girl laughed. “Maybe they finally got rid of him. God knows no one likes him, maybe they finally came to their senses.” Thomas felt a chill settle in his bones. He was well aware of the fact that he was probably the least loved by their fans (there were hundreds of posts and comments that proved that correct) but to hear it said aloud hurt him more than he would admit.

The blonde girl shovered her friend playfully but laughed. They walked into the cafe, probably hoping to talk to his friends inside but Thomas just huffed and walked away. He wasn’t in the mood for company right now. He pulled his phone out to let Matthew know he wasn’t coming back right now and was only vaguely surprised that he already had a few texts from him.

**Math Unfairchild:**

_You okay?_

**Matthew Unfairchild:**

_You don’t look so good._

**Matthew Unfairchild:**

_Where are you going?_

**Matthew Unfairchild:**

_Tommy?_

Thomas sighs and sends Matthew a text before turning his phone off completely walking quickly, trying to shake off my thoughts.

**Tommy:**

_I’m fine, I just need a minute. I’ll be back in 20 minutes._

Thomas keeps walking, playing the girl’s words in his head over and over. Maybe they finally got rid of them, god knows no one likes him, maybe they finally came to their senses. Thomas can feel himself shaking. Is that what everyone thought of him? Do his band mates think of him like that? He knew logically that they didn’t and they wouldn’t be a band without him but he couldn’t help the thoughts slipping through.

Thomas was brought back to his senses when he felt a hand grab his arm. Thomas let out a pathetic whimper that only made his anxiety shoot up even more. “Let go!” He gasped pulling his hand away and stumbling when the person let him go abruptly. “Lightwood it’s just me! Calm down!” Thomas looked at him and was aware that he knew the person standing in front of him but his brain was still short circuiting and he couldn’t quite place them.

“Thomas are you alright?” Thomas stumbles back again shaking his head. He turns abruptly and walks down a small alley that sits between two buildings. He turns at the end and slides down the back wall of the building. He was aware the person was still with him but he was too focused on trying to calm himself down to care.

The person sits next to him and puts their hand on Thomas’ knee. “You’re okay Thomas. Is this a panic attack?” Thomas felt himself nodding before he processed the words. The person rubbed his knee comfortingly. “Okay, that’s okay. It’s just me, Alastair. We’re behind a fishing shop. Dreadfully awful place if I do say so myself. Smells too much like fish.” Thomas felt himself give a breathless laugh despite himself.

Of course it was Alastair who found him. He had no idea why the world hated him so much but he couldn’t bring himself to be too mad because at least someone was here. Thomas was still shaking uncontrollably, he was starting to get light headed and cursed himself for not realizing sooner that he wasn’t breathing right. Alastair’s hand stopped rubbing gently and instead grasped Thomas’ knee tightly.

“Thomas, you need to breathe. What do you want me to do.” Thomas shook his head and gasped loudly. Come on Thomas breathe, he told himself. He hated this part, being aware of what was happening but being far too gone to really control it. “A-Alastair.” Thomas stuttered attempting to undo the top buttons of his shirt with shaky hands. Stupid button ups.

Alastair was kneeling in front of him within seconds, gently tugging Thomas’ hands down. “Thomas breathe. Please breathe.” He said urgently undoing the top buttons of Thomas’ shirt with minimal difficulty. Thomas gasped as if unbuttoning the shirt had really helped him breathe. Thomas was too aware of the fact that his heart was beating too hard and the ground was disgusting. 

He groaned and reached out to Alastair who took his hands easily, his thumbs drawing soothing circles over Thomas’ hands. Thomas let his head fall on Alastiar’s chest, feeling the rise and fall of his chest as his head went with it. He focused on the rising and falling trying to match his breaths, which were still coming much too fast, with Alastairs.

His breathing was almost matched with Alastair’s when he realized that one of Alastiar’s hands had come up to his head and his thumb was now rubbing circles behind Thomas’ ear. Thomas found that that was all it took to calm him down the rest of the way.

He was still shaking, something he had gotten used to after having so many panic attacks. He let his head rest on Alastair’s chest a moment longer, trying to gather his thoughts and debating if he wanted to apologize or just pretend it hadn’t happened at all.

He pulled his head back, deciding to just apologize, and let the building hold him up. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean for you to see that.” Thomas said softly looking at the ground, playing with a pebble. Alastair shook his head quickly. “Thomas don’t apologize for that. Please don’t apologize for that. Are you okay?” 

Thomlas let out a shaky breath. ”I’m fine. Thank you.” Alastair smiles softly at him. “Anytime. Does that happen often?” Thomas bit his lip and looked away. He didn’t really want to tell Alastair that it did indeed happen quite often, but he couldn’t lie. Not to Alastair.

“Yeah but it's fine.” Alastair shook his head sadly. “That’s not fine Thomas. If you don’t mind me asking, what set it off.” It occurred to Thomas then, that Alastair had been referring to him as Thomas and not as Lightwood. “Um, just some people outside. Have you been calling me Thomas?” Alastair let out a nervous laugh and Thomas could have sworn that he was blushing.

“Yes? You weren’t reacting well to Lightwood and Thomas was calming you down a little.” Thomas nodded. That made sense, he hadn’t been very aware when Alastair had called him Lightwood so it had confused him. “Yeah, I’m sorry I wasn’t thinking straight.” Alastair rolled his eyes an amused smile gracing his lips, something Thomas was desperately trying not to stare at.

“After what you said earlier I can see how thinking straight would be a problem.” Thomas stared at him for a minute and Alastair’s face fell a little before Thomas surprised him by bursting into laughter. “Did- did you just make a joke about me beng gay?” Thomas said through his laughter. Alastair looked proud, “Yes I did.” Thomas just laughed harder, Alastair joined in.

After a few minutes Alastair stood up and reached his hand out to Thomas who took it gratefully. Alastair helped him up and Thomas swayed slightly on his still shaky legs. Alastair reached out to steady him but Thomas batted his hands away. “I’m fine.” He said proudly.

Alastair rolled his eyes, “Of course, don’t know why I tried.” He said moving closer so he could catch Thomas if the need arose. Thomas rolled his eyes and took a couple shaky steps forward. “What time is it?” He asked Alastair who pulled out his phone with a raised eyebrow. “It’s 5:15.” Thomas cursed, he had told Matthew twenty minutes but it had already been almost forty. He walked faster, Alastair jogging to keep up.

“Lightwood would you please slow down? You may have freakishly long legs, but those of us with normal legs cannot walk as fast as you, you plasted giant.” Thomas laughed and slowed down so Alastair wasn’t running anymore. “If you call your legs normal I would hate to see what short looks like. Alastair grinned and shook his head.

He stared at Thomas for a while, his face switching back and forth between slight expressions and expressionless. Thomas took that time to stare at Alastair in response. 

He looked at Alastair’s eyes, those pretty dark eyes that Thomas swore he could get lost in at any point. His hair, which Thomas almost found himself angry with. Why would he want to hide something so beautiful. Why would he want to dye it something so common, when his dark hair was anything but? Thomas felt his eyes go to Alastiar’s lips unconsciously. Thomas spent so many years wondering what it would be like to kiss Alastair. He wondered how soft Alastair’s full lips would be. He wondered what it would feel like to feel Alastair smile against his mouth.

He hadn’t realized they were leaning in until he heard someone laughing and turned to see Lucie turning the corner. Matthew was ahead of the group and was standing there with his mouth open staring at the two of them.

Thomas felt his face heat up and he pulled away hastily. Was he really about to kiss Alastair? Had Alastair really been about to kiss him? He turned away and cleared his throat, glancing at Alastair out of the corner of his eye. Alastair had his arms crossed and a scowl on his face. Thomas shook his head and walked towards Matthew.

He couldn’t comprehend anything that was going on, his head too caught up in the fact that he was about ninety percent sure that he had almost kissed Alastair. What just happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally getting somewhere with Thomastairrr


	6. Chapter 6

The day went by quickly and Thomas didn’t have much time to ponder the almost kiss he had with Alastair or the girl's from the coffee shop’s words until dinner that night. Lucie and Cordelia had gone and had an early dinner with Alastair and the other boys had decided to have a late dinner and go ahead and knock the rest of their rehearsal out. 

James and Christopher were in a deep discussion about dress rehearsal they had tomorrow and Thomas found himself, once again, under the scrutinizing gaze of Matthew. Thomas moved the fry around on his plate, his hamburger long forgotten. He was too anxious to eat anyway. “Who started it?” Matthew asked in a quiet voice. Thomas raised an eyebrow, “Math I have no earthly idea what you’re talking about.” He said innocently shrugging, Matthew just glared.

“Stop it, we both know you do.” They held eye contact for a minute and Thomas was reminded vaguely of a dominance match between dogs. Thomas gave up with a huff and looked back down at his fries again. “I honestly don’t know. I had a panic attack and then we were just walking and then it just kind of… happened. Lord, that sounds dull.” Matthew smirked at him and Thomas groans, burying his head in his hands. Matthew laughs softly and James looks over at them. “What are we talking about?” James asked, propping his chin on Matthew’s shoulder so he could see Thomas. 

Thomas had sat in this booth first, Matthew had sat next to Thomas and then James, the social anxiety impersonation he is, sat next to Matthew instead of sitting in the booth with Christopher. Which led to Thomas, Matthew, and James being squished together and Christopher propping his legs up in his practically empty booth.

They had to sit in the back because most places they go they get noticed by fans and won’t get any peace. It was a habit now (for their band and Alastair and the girls) to ask for a spot in the back or off in a corner somewhere when they went out to eat.

“We’re talking about Thomas and Alastair almost kissing.” Matthew said as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Christopher choked on his drink and James looked at Thomas with wide eyes. “When did that happen!” Christopher said when he had stopped choking. Thomas was sure he resembled a tomato at this point.

He hit Matthew, who was still laughing hysterically, in the arm and slumped further in his seat, hating his height more than anything at the moment. “When we found them, they were about to kiss and then we stumbled upon them and they didn’t.” Matthew frowned and slumped against James. “What a bunch of cock blocks we are.” Matthew said as if it were him that didn’t get to kiss someone he wanted to. 

Thomas found himself laughing at Matthew’s forlorn expression and James’s still too wide eyes. “Nothing really happened. We were just walking and talking. We were actually trying to find you guys because I told Matthew twenty minutes and then I realized I was late because I didn’t have my phone on. Sorry about that Math, I know you worry. So I was trying to-”

Matthew cut him off with a raised hand. “Stop rambling it’s okay. I was just picking and James was just a little shocked.” Matthew finished with a shape jab to James’ ribs which seemed to snap James out of his daze. James nodded enthusiastically before looking at Matthew with a wide smile. “Oh my god otp Matthew OTP!” Matthew and Christopher burst out laughing and Thomas slumped impossibly further in his chair. Why did they always have to pick on him?

Matthew dropped his hand on Thoams’ shoulder and Thomas looked at him. Matthew was looking at him with a look that was strictly reserved for James, Thomas, and Christopher. A soft look that was often off putting since he was constantly annoyed or making a joke out of everything and anything.

“You know Tommy we only pick on you because it’s easy with how embarrassed you get. We love you and as much as I dislike Alastair I think you two would be good for each other. Plus,” He added a wink that made Thomas blush before he even heard the next part. “I think you could teach him some well needed manners.” Thomas laughed softly and gave Mattew a pointed look. 

“You really shouldn’t make fun of my pining, saying as it is not nearly as bad as yours was.” Matthew put his hand to his chest in mock hurt. “You wound me Thomas. Anyhow even if that was accurate,” He turned to James and stuck his tongue out boyishly. “Which it wasn’t,” He turned back to Thomas who was smiling at his friends. “It isn’t my fault you’re too nice and didn’t pick on me when you had the chance.” Thomas rolled his eyes.

It was common knowledge that Thomas was nice, it was why the fans had dubbed him the ‘Kind One’ or ‘Gentle Giant’ as some others called him. He hated that one thought, gentle giant made him sound dull. They had dubbed Matthew as the ‘Sexy One’, James the ‘Mysterious One’, and Christopher, well Christopher was his own category.

Thomas pushed Matthew playfully and Matthew fell back dramatically accidentally falling on James, causing him to fall out of the seat. “Jesus Math, be careful.” James said taking Matthew’s outstretched hand and getting back to his feet, Matthew was too busy laughing to listen to him.

Thomas sat back watching them, his brothers by all means but blood, and smiled. How did he get so lucky?

  
  


When it was time to go back to the hotel rooms, which they were staying in when they weren’t on the road, they all split ways smiling and wishing each other goodnight. Thomas followed Christopher to their room. There were two beds so Thomas knew he could stand staying with Christopher.

Thomas showered as soon as they got to the hotel. Some people thought it was weird but Thomas showered twice a day and washed his hair at least once a day. Matthew always picked on it but Thomas just shrugged it off he didn’t feel clean if he didn’t wash his hair.

Thomas took his time feeling the hot water wash off the stress of the day. As soon as he had got to the quiet hotel room the fans from the diner’s words came back to him. He knew he would spend too much time thinking about this.

He got out of the shower about 40 minutes later and ran his towel through his hair shaking it out. He flopped gracelessly on the bed and groaned. Christopher was fast asleep on the bed next to him, the sound he was making strongly reminded Thomas of a lawnmower.

Thomas grabbed his phone, turned the brightness down, as he began feeling the beginning of a headache, and read the texts he had received. 

**Matthew Unfairchild:**

_Sleep well dream of your knight in shining armor <3_

Thomas scoffed and replied,

**Tommy:**

_We all know I’m more into Prince Charming. <3_

He opened a text from Lucie and smiled at her picture. It was a picture from the first time they went to Disney World. No one else would go with her, Cordelia didn’t like it because she couldn’t stand the lines and decided it was no more magical than Six Flags. James and Matthew had claimed too manly (however it turned out they went two months before without telling anyone), and Christopher, bless his soul, wouldn’t stop going on and on about the mechanisms in the rides and that just made everyone untrustworthy of the shaky rides.

So Thomas had gone with her and they had stayed for two days, riding rides and meeting characters. The picture that made her profile was of her in front of Cinderella’s castle with a bunch of fireworks going off in the background. She was mid jump and a look of pure happiness plastered on her face, she had an ice cream cone in her hand however the ice cream was mid fall.

It was Thomas’ all time favorite picture of her and he was quietly proud of his photography skills. Lucie’s parents, Tessa and Will, had taken one look at the picture and demanded it be framed and hung on the wall of their house. Thomas was proud of that too.

**Luce <33:**

_Matthew told me what happened. I'm so mad at myself. You two were finally gonna kiss and I messed it up I’m so sorry Tommy._

Thomas laughed and shook his head. It seemed everyone was rooting for them and Thomas was quietly pleased. Thomas just hoped he wasn’t going off of false hope.

**Tommy:**

_It’s fine sweetie don’t worry about it. I wasn’t thinking anyway._

Thomas checked his other text to find pictures of Barbara’s engagement ring and a video of her telling our parents about her engagement. Thomas smiled slightly and watched the video with the volume on low knowing exactly how his mom would react. He did however have to turn it up when he couldn’t hear the video over Christopher’s snoring.

He watched as Barbara casually, without words, held up her engagement ring for them to see. Sophie’s hands automatically came up to cover her mouth as her eyes started watering dangerously. Gideon however stared at it not comprehending yet. “He did not!” Sophie all but screamed. He listened as Barbara and Oliver started laughing. 

Gideon’s mouth fell open slightly, understanding brightening his eyes. He walked over quickly and hugged her, Sophie joining quickly. The video ended then and Thomas sent his sister a text.

**Tommy:**

_Aww! They’re so proud! I’m proud of you. It was about time Oliver took the next step! Love you tons miss you more!_

Thomas opened the last unread message and furrowed his eyebrows, it was an unknown number. Thomas opened it and felt a smile stretching across his face. 

**Unknown Number:**

_Hey I asked Lucie for your number hope you don’t mind._

**Unknown Number:**

_It’s Alastair btw lol_

Thomas let out a happy sound that immediately made him blush even though Christopher wasn’t awake to hear it. Thomas took a few calming breaths cursing himself for acting like a little girl with a crush.

**Tommy:**

_Oh hey I don’t mind sorry for responding late_

Thomas stared down at the message, that was cool right? Not too eager, not too pushy. Thomas sighed roughly and put his phone on the nightstand by their beds. Thomas closed his eyes and replayed the events of the day, the practicing, the boys trying to convince him to sing at a concert, the girls words which were still ringing in his ears much to his dismay, and Alastair. 

Daring Alastair with his stupid dyed hair and his face that lights up constantly. Thomas shook his head as if he could physically fling the thoughts from his head. He got up knowing he wasn’t going to be able to sleep yet. Christopher was making sure of that. Thomas knew in the back of his mind that he was probably going to end up in James and Matthew’s room.

Thomas got up and picked up his guitar. It had been a long day and he had written a song but he didn’t want to play it for anyone yet. It was deeper than his normal ones, it was more just words he needed out of his head. Thomas huffs loudly the girls words playing on repeat in his head, he could tell he was getting a migraine but he bit back the pain and started strumming.

I _don't know why I just feel I'm better off_

_Stayin' in the same room I was born in_

_I look outside and see a whole world better off_

_Without me in it tryin' to transform it_

_You are out of my mind, oh_

_You aren't seein' my side, oh_

_You waste all this time tryin' to get to me_

_But you are out of my mind, yeah_

_Listen, I know_

_This one's a contradiction because of how happy it sounds_

_But the lyrics are so down_

_It's okay though_

_Because it represents, wait, better yet it is_

_Who I feel I am right now_

_You are out of my mind, oh_

_You aren't seein' my side, oh_

_You waste all this time tryin' to get to me_

_But you are out of my mind_

_Heard you say, "Not today"_

_Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a sound_

_Heard your voice, "there's no choice"_

_Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a noise_

_Oh, don't you test me, no_

_Just because I play the piano_

_Doesn't mean I, I'm not willin' to take you down_

_I'm sorry_

_I'm, I'm out of my mind, oh_

_I'm not seein' things right, oh_

_I waste all this time tryin' to run from you_

_But I'm, I'm out of my mind_

_Heard you say, "Not today"_

_Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a sound_

_Heard your voice, "there's no choice"_

_Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a noise_

_Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, yeah, oh_

_Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, yeah, oh_

_Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh_

_You are out of my mind_

_You aren't seein' my side_

_You waste all this time tryin' to get to me_

_But you are out of my mind_

_Heard you say, "Not today"_

_Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a sound_

_Heard your voice, "there's no choice"_

_Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a noise_

  
  


Thomas sighed and sat his guitar down rubbing his forehead with one hand. He got migraines when he had stressful days, which in all honesty were more often than not. Maybe he could ask Matthew for migraine medicine, he was sure to have some.

Thomas got up and jot down a message telling Christopher where he went in case he woke up, which wasn’t likely but he didn’t want to risk it. He put some sunglasses on because the yellow lighting in the halls made his head worse and walked down to James and Matthew’s room which was only three doors down.

Everyone knew where the others were sleeping in case of emergency or if they just wanted to hang out. 

Thomas was about to knock when he heard some noises coming from inside. He furrowed his eyebrows wondering the hell they could be doing to make that racket. He could hear the bed hitting the wall and realization dawned on him. Crap.

Thomas whined softly knowing that he couldn’t get Matthew’s medicine now. He blushed furiously and walked away from their door quickly trying to erase the noises he had just heard. He sighed and shook his head stopping for a moment when a sharp wave of pain hit him and he stumbled slightly.

Thomas put his hand on the wall and walked slowly to Lucie and Cordelia’s room slowly, waiting for the room to stop spinning. He cursed when he stood in front of the door. He knocked sharply not wanting to be too loud in case they were asleep. He stood there for a few minutes before he turned to head back to his room deciding to wait it out.

The door opened as Thomas took his second step. Thomas let out a noise of relief. “Lucie-” He started softly before realizing that it wasn’t Lucie standing there, it wasn’t Cordelia either. It was Alasatiar.

Thomas looked at him for a while trying to wrap his head around why Alastair was there before slowly realizing that this wasn’t the girls room it was Alastair’s. Thomas groaned loudly and stumbled slightly. Alastair’s eyes, normally playful and joyous, were now darkening; he was practically scowling and Thomas shrunk away.

“Lightwood please don’t tell me you’re wasted.” Alastair said glaring Thomas shook his head and promptly sat down when the room spun too fast. Thomas let out an exasperated laugh. Alastair was now looking at him with concern, all annoyance gone. “Lightwood what’s wrong with you?” He said squatting down so he was eye level with Thomas.

Thomas looked at him in confusion before shrugging trying to ignore the pounding in his head. He hadn’t meant to be here and it was quite embarrassing to be a stumbling, collapsing mess in front of someone he cared so much to impress or at least not embarrass himself in front of. Alastair’s eyes narrowed, not a glare, but a look that said stop lying.   
“Thomas you all but collapsed in front of me and you’re saying there’s nothing wrong?” Thomas let out a small noise. “James and Matthew are shagging.” Alastair’s eyebrows shot up. That was obviously not what he was expecting, Thomas laughed. “And this affects you and I how?” I close my eyes, the pain radiating and pulsing in my head. 

“I needed his medicine.” I explain quietly trying to show him he needed to be quiet. He seemed to take the message because the next time he spoke it was significantly quieter. “Thomas what medicine?” Thomas furrowed his brows trying to think of the name giving up quickly when that just made the pain in his head worse. He really really hated migraines.

“Thomas,” Alastair said, now kneeling in front of Thomas. He looked slightly desperate and Thomas took a moment to appreciate that he had never seen Alastair look like that before. “Thomas come on what medicine.” I pat his shoulder and stand up shakily. “It’s alright I actually meant to go to Lucie’s room.” 

Alasatir gave him a serious look and took his hand gently leading him inside the cold hotel room. “Thomas just come here and what medicine do you need?” Thomas didn’t even try to fight him, knowing Alastair was too stubborn to let him go easily. He was attempting to ignore the fact that his head was steadily getting worse and how his stomach was flipping dangerously. “Migraine.” Thomas said simply, answering Alastair’s question as best he could. Alastair looked at him wearily. 

“Is that what’s going on? You have a migraine?” Thomas nodded and that was all it took to push him overboard. Thomas gasped and stood up quickly stumbling to the bathroom and barely making it in time to empty out his stomach in the toilet. He felt a hand on his back and soothing words but the burn in his throat and throbbing in his head was all he could think about.

“Thomas, I’m going to go get some medicine okay? Do you want me to stay or are you going to be okay for a minute?” Thomas just groaned in response and continued emptying his stomach contents. He honestly didn’t believe he had much in his stomach because he hadn’t eaten much that day but he was being proven wrong.

He felt the hand leave his back and he threw up a little more before sitting back and resting his back on the bathtub. Thomas groaned in embarrassment when he realized that not only had he accidentally come to Alastair’s room, collapsed in front of him, and was dragged into his room, but he had also thrown up in front of him.

Thomas didn’t get much time to ponder that thought because Alastair came back with pills and water. His face was calm but his eyes were slightly panicked. Thomas wondered if he was the only one who could see it or if Alastair just showed it obviously.

Thomas took the water gratefully and drank it quickly, onl stopping when Alastair put a hand on his and carefully lowered it, taking the glass with it. “I brought you some medicine too. It’s not migraine medicine but it should help a little.” Thomas nodded, head still throbbing and took the small pills Alastair had offered him. He threw them back easily and swallowed them dry, taking the drink back from Alastair’s frozen hand.

Alastair was watching him with a dark look in his eyes, something Thomas couldn’t place but he knew it wasn’t bad. Not the kind of look Alastair had when he thought Thomas was drunk. Thomas shuddered and finished the water. Alastair helped him up and put his arm around Thomas’ waist to keep him steady.

Thomas flopped on the bed, not unlike he had earlier that night and sighed. His stomach didn’t feel as bad but his head was still pounding. Alastair sighed and sat up against the headboard, holding his arm out, inviting Thomas closer. 

Thomas didn’t have to be told twice. He all but collapsed on Alastair’s lap. Thomas hummed contentedly as Alastair ran his fingers through his hair. Thomas grunted when he couldn’t find a comfortable position with his sunglasses off. Alastair gently tugged his glasses off and Thomas groaned as a new wave of pain hit him when his eyes saw the light. Alastair quickly blocked the light with his hand and leaned over to turn off the lamp.

The room was plunged into darkness and Thomas just cuddled deeper into Alastair’s lap. He could vaguely remember that this wasn’t his room and he shouldn’t be doing this but need to sleep, most likely due to the pills, was overwaying his ability to freak out properly. When Alastair started humming he couldn’t keep himself aware of much anymore. 

One thing Thomas was aware of was the fact that Alastair’s fingers felt good in his hair. Thomas wondered what it felt like to run his fingers through Alastair’s hair. To bring his face closer. To kiss him. 

There were so many things he wanted to do and a massive inability to do any of it. Thomas was decidedly ready to tell Alastair how he felt. If he were any more awake he might have even done it right then, but he knew he was far too gone to do it.

Thomas listened to Alastair’s quiet humming and decided that he would tell him over a song. Thomas shifted slightly so his head was resting more on Alastair’s thigh and smiled tiredly. “Alastair?” The man in question made a noise in place of an answer. “I’m going to sing my song.” He realized too late that that probably made no sense whatsoever but it seemed Alastair understood because he beamed at Thomas and ruffled his hair slightly. “I’m glad. I love hearing you sing. I’m proud of you for deciding to do it.” 

Thomas hummed non-committedly. “Only for you.” He mumbled before his eyes slipped closed against his will and his mind gave way to dreams. He could have sworn right before he fell asleep that he felt someone kiss his head, but he chalked it up to sleep and want.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So the song in this chapter is Not Today by Twenty One Pilots


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song:   
> 7 Years by Lukas Graham  
> I Love It by Icona Pop

The first thing Thomas noticed when he woke up was the unfamiliar weight across his stomach. He opened his eyes to investigate and felt his heart skip a beat because he remembered now where he was.The memories of last night flashes in his head like a movie and Thomas had to fight the groan rising in his throat.

He was in Alastair’s room. He slept with Alastair. Thomas felt himself blush at the thought. He hadn’t slept with Alastair; he had just slept next to him. Or under him, his mind suggested unhelpfully. Thomas blushed furiously and looked down at Alastair.  
Alastair always looked peaceful when he slept. His head was cushioned against Thomas’ chest, his arm slung over Thomas’ stomach. It was so very intimate that Thomas couldn’t help but smile and stay frozen hoping against hope that he could lay there for a while longer. 

Fate seemed to be in a good mood because Alastair remained asleep for another ten minutes. Thomas watched his face, the way his eyes moved under his eyelids. The way his mouth ghosted with a smile or a frown. The way he twitched when something occurred in his dream. Thomas wished he was able to read minds, he wanted to know what Alastair dreamed about. Thomas almost laughed at the thought, knowing that if the roles were reversed and Alastair looked in on Thomas’ dreams he would find them filled with himself. 

Alastair started shifting his eyes fluttering as if he was trying to open his eyes but they were too heavy, Thomas assumed that’s what they felt like. Thomas sighed and Alastair froze. Thomas cursed himself mentally and stretched his arms as if he was just now waking up. He yawned loudly and Alastair scrambled off of him with much more grace than Thomas could dream of having.

“Good morning.” Alastair said, awkwardly shifting from foot to foot. Thomas smiled at him as if this was completely normal. “Good morning. Sorry for crashing.” Alastair snorted and Thomas smiled wider. So cute.  
“It’s fine. Is your head still hurting?” Alastair asked softly stretching. Thomas’ eyes drifted to where Alastair’s shirt had ridden up. He was toned and Thomas knew for a fact that he had a six pact, how was it even allowed to be that attractive. With his stupidly hot and stupidly smooth skin and his beautiful eyes. His full lips- nope.

Thomas cleared his throat and shook his head. He started feeling around him and checked his pockets. He looked up curiously at Alastair. “Where’s my phone?” Alastair lifted an eyebrow and started looking around as well. Eventually Alastair picked up his phone and chucked it at him, a blur of red that landed roughly on Thomas’ lap. 

He flinched at the impact and Alastair rushed out an apology which Thomas just waved off. Thomas turned his phone on and it lit up with a picture of him, Matthew, James, and Christopher. Lucie had taken it and it had an aesthetic that Thomas loved. The sun was setting in the background so all you could see of the boys was their shape, they looked like shadows and he loved it.

He had a bunch of texts from James, Matthew, and Christopher. The memory of standing in front of James and Matthew’s door came back and Thomas screwed his face up and shook his head. He did NOT need that to stay in his head. 

He decided they didn’t need to know where he was yet and threw his phone back to the bottom of the bed and flopped down. Alastair was still standing next to the bed with a crooked smile on his face. His phone case was clear but there was a polaroid picture of him and Cordelia is fancy clothes from some party.

Cordelia’s words fluttered back into Thomas’ head. ‘Thomas, be careful with him.’ He flicked his eyes up to the ceiling not wanting to be caught staring at Alastair right now. He ran over the words in his head. Did she mean to be careful with him because Thomas could get hurt? He knew it was likely that his… affection was not reciprocated and that he would likely get hurt but for some reason that didn’t feel like what she was trying to say.

Was she insinuating that Thomas should be careful with him because Alastair was fragile or something of the like? Thomas was growing frustrated. He couldn’t hurt Alastair if Alastair didn’t like him. Cordelia was off her rocker, she must be to think Thomas could ever hurt him, he wouldn’t ever even want to. 

Thomas was pulled out of his internal monologue by Alastair's smooth voice. “Do you want to go get breakfast? It’s,” He paused to check the time on his phone and chuckled. “It’s eleven so the other’s probably already ate and the hotel breakfast isn’t serving so we can go get something.” Thomas groaned. 

He was supposed to have gone to practice with the boys at nine. No wonder he had so many texts, he felt bad but at the same time he had never missed any rehearsals before and wanted nothing more than to go eat with Alastair. 

“Alastair.” He groaned dragging out the ‘r’. He briefly wondered when they had become close enough to not freak out about being themselves with each other. When they started being friends and not acquaintances. He had been under the impression that they weren’t friends but Alastair had acted as if they were lifelong friends since the moment they saw each other. Well, besides him calling Thomas ‘Lightwood’, but honestly Thomas didn’t mind it.

“Thomas.” Alastair said in response laughing and dragging the ‘s’ for an unnecessarily long time. “I was supposed to meet the boys but if they ask when I get there tell them I woke up right before going there. Don’t mention breakfast.” Alastair laughed and nodded. “We haven’t even been on this tour a week and you’re already skipping? Deal anyway cause I’m hungry and need socialization. Where are we going?” Thomas shrugged to show his indifference. “You pick.” Thomas said, finally getting up.

Alastair flopped on the bed laying where Thomas had been moments before. Thomas was trying to breathe correctly as it hit him at full force the fact that they had been sleeping together. As in cuddling, snuggling, dating kind of thing. Thomas and Alastair. Oh god oh god oh god.

Thomas could feel himself start spinning into a panic attack he took a few staggering steps and sent Alastair an exasperated look that he was sure would have scared him had Alastair not been draping his arm over his eyes. “I-I’m gonna c-change. I’ll b-b-be right back.” He said all but running out of the room, ignoring Alastair’s distressed calls. 

The hallways started spinning and Thomas fought it rushing to his room. He got to the door before realizing he had no idea what he did with his room key and Christopher was out with James and Matthew. They’re going to be upset Thomas thought distraught. He stood there shaking staring at the door too conscious of everything around him. No one had passed the hallway thankfully but Thomas felt bad. He felt as if he needed to get out of his body, like he was itchy and someone was wrapping their hands around his neck. 

Thomas turned and slowly slid down the door to his room. He had almost calmed himself down when he saw Alastair walking quickly towards him. “Stupid hotel has too many hallways are you okay?” He asks kneeling in front of Thomas, not too close which Thomas was eternally grateful for. Thomas just nodded before stopping and shaking his head. “G-give me a second.” Alastair nodded and sat back on the balls of his feet.

Thomas sighed and rested his head on the door. He gave it another five minutes and when he thought he was in the clear he sat up more and ran a slightly shaky hand through his hair. Alastair reached forward tentatively before deciding that was the wrong thing to do and retracting it. 

“What set it off?” Alastair asked quietly. Thomas blushed, how was he supposed to say sleeping with him had? “I guess I just got stressed about missing rehearsal already.” Alastiar frowned, I was only joking you know that right? I wasn’t trying to freak you out, it’s totally fine you missed. You weren't feeling well anyway.” Thomas nodded and leaned forward a little to rest his forehead on Alastair’s collarbone. 

He always got touchy after panic attacks. Normally it was James or Matthew who received it but they weren’t here so Alastair would do. 

Alastair brought his hand up hesitantly and started rubbing soothing circles on his back. Thomas felt his heart skip a beat and was glad Alastair couldn’t see the blush on his face. “I’m sorry.” He said so quietly he was sure Alastair hadn’t heard. Alastair let out a breath and Thomas would have given anything in that moment to know what Alastair was thinking.

“You don’t have to apologize for things like that Thomas. Not with me or anyone I promise.” Thomas smiled weakly and pulled away, running his fingers through his hair. Alastair followed the movement and Thomas laughed lightly. “Okay. Thank you.” 

Alastair shook his head a playful smile on his lips, “As much as I’m loving this, I’m rather hungry and you’re a snack but I’m thinking IHOP?” Thomas blanched and started sputtering while Alastair laughed standing up and reaching his hand down for Thomas to take.

Thomas took it, avoiding eye contact because did Alastair just freaking flirt? Did he just call Thomas a snack? That was a good thing right? He made a mental note to ask Matthew what it meant later. They walked together in silence, not uncomfortable but calm, and when they got to the car Alastair casually opened the door for him. 

Thomas raised an amused eyebrow, Alastair wasn’t one to exactly be a ‘gentleman’. He was a nice person but he didn’t really go out of his way to help other people.

Alastair got in the driver's seat and turned on some music before pulling out of the parking lot. They listened to a few songs before one of Alastair’s songs came on, his voice filling the car. Alastair blushed and reached out to turn the channel but Thomas grabbed his wrist to stop him and just started singing along.

When the song finished Thomas turned to look at Alastair with an excited look, and was surprised to see Alastair still blushing. “Okay but hear me out,” Thomas started excitedly. Alastair turned to look at him for a second before turning back to the road. “I’m listening.” He said with an amused tint to his voice. Thomas ignored it and went straight to his idea. 

“What if the last few concerts we start doing random groups for a few songs? Like we do our normal concerts and then mix up the groups and each mixed up group could sing a song?” Alastair pulled into the parking spot in front of IHOP and turned to look at Thomas. Thomas could practically hear the gears turning in his head.

“So what like we put names in a hat and draw kind of thing? Or we just break the groups up?” Thomas thought about it for a minute before nodding, “I think the hat idea would be fun don’t you? We could stick to having a solo, a group of four and a duet but have them different every night.” Alastair threw him a crooked smile. “Honestly, that sounds super fun and I’m one hundred percent down.”  
Thomas smiled brightly at him as he ran through possibilities. The only thing he didn’t want to happen was get the solo part. He hated doing things solo but he felt like it wouldn’t be the end of the world. He knew some fans wouldn’t like it, but they couldn’t please everyone.

Thomas and Alastair spent breakfast talking about the tour and what to expect and how excited they were. It was an hour later when they finally parted ways and Thomas walked into the building they had supposed to be practicing in for the last few hours.

Thomas walked in the main room and was greeted by a load of questions. “Where did you go last night?” “Why are you late?” “Why weren’t you answering your phone?” “Are you okay? Don’t do that again you scared us!” Thomas just shook them off with a roll of his eyes.

“I had a migraine so I went to go get some meds from Matthew’s room but Matthew and James were uhm…” He cleared his throat uncomfortably and was pleased to see the blush rise up on Matthew and James’ face as they realized what he had walked in during. “Anyway they were busy so I went to go see if Lucie happened to have any, but then I wound up at Alastair’s and threw up and then passed out there for the night. Nothing happened.” He said glaring at Matthew who was now wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. 

Matthew nodded emphatically. “Oh of course and so you just woke up right?” Thomas nodded slowly knowing by Matthew’s tone that Matthew didn’t believe it at all. “Oh okay then why did you leave me on read for the past two hours?” Thomas froze realizing he didn’t have a good answer to that.  
“Okay so we might have gone to have breakfast, and I might have slightly ignored y’all because I was tired and wanted to have breakfast with Alastair.” Christopher and James laughed while Matthew mocked offense. 

He put a hand to his chest as if Thomas had physically hurt him. “Thomas you wound me! We haven’t even had five rehearsals yet and you’re already skipping out?” Thomas rolled his eyes and noticed for the first time a boy, around their age, standing off to the side watching the boys interact with unreadable eyes.

Thomas froze and just stared for a minute. He had dark black hair and startling green eyes. He was tall and slender, ghastly white skin poking out from the sleeves of his shirt. Thomas cleared his throat embarrassed at having been staring. “Sorry I didn’t see you there, I’m Thomas.” The boy put on a polite smile and shook Thomas’ outreached hand.

“I’m Jesse, I’m the sound manager. I’ll be working with y’all for the trip. I’ll mostly be around before concert nights just to make sure things run smoothly and obviously I’ll be here for the concerts and such.” He said in a slightly monotone. Thomas was getting mixed vibes from him and didn’t quite know what to think of the unreadable boy in front of him.

He had a feeling that this person was going to be important but didn’t quite know why or how. Thomas shook his head plastering his smile back on when he realized it had fallen slightly. He clapped his hands and turned back to his band mates. 

“Okay so are we still practicing?” The boys nodded and went to grab their respective instruments while Jesse went around the table to the board that had a bunch of buttons and slidey things and Thomas was greatly appreciative of the fact that he didn’t need to know what they did. 

“What song are we practicing?” Thomas asked Matthew as he slid the guitar strap over his neck and began tuning. “Do you want to do a new one or an old one?” Matthew asked him, adjusting the microphone to his height. “How about 7 Years?” Matthew nodded and looked at James and Christopher who both nodded back. “Okay.” Matthew said pointing to Jesse who pushed some buttons and pointed back signalling them to start.

Once I was seven years old my momma told me

Go make yourself some friends or you'll be lonely

Once I was seven years old

It was a big big world, but we thought we were bigger

Pushing each other to the limits, we were learning quicker

By eleven smoking herb and drinking burning liquor

Never rich so we were out to make that steady figure

_Once I was eleven years old my daddy told me_

_Go get yourself a wife or you'll be lonely_

_Once I was eleven years old_

_I always had that dream like my daddy before me_

_So I started writing songs, I started writing stories_

_Something about that glory just always seemed to bore me_

_'Cause only those I really love will ever really know me_

_Once I was twenty years old, my story got told_

_Before the morning sun, when life was lonely_

_Once I was twenty years old_

_I only see my goals, I don't believe in failure_

_'Cause I know the smallest voices, they can make it major_

_I got my boys with me at least those in favor_

_And if we don't meet before I leave, I hope I'll see you later_

_Once I was twenty years old, my story got told_

_I was writing 'bout everything, I saw before me_

_Once I was twenty years old_

_Soon we'll be thirty years old, our songs have been sold_

_We've traveled around the world and we're still roaming_

_Soon we'll be thirty years old_

_I'm still learning about life_

_My woman brought children for me_

_So I can sing them all my songs_

_And I can tell them stories_

_Most of my boys are with me_

_Some are still out seeking glory_

_And some I had to leave behind_

_My brother I'm still sorry_

_Soon I'll be sixty years old, my daddy got sixty-one_

_Remember life and then your life becomes a better one_

_I made a man so happy when I wrote a letter once_

_I hope my children come and visit, once or twice a month_

_Soon I'll be sixty years old, will I think the world is cold_

_Or will I have a lot of children who can warm me_

_Soon I'll be sixty years old_

_Soon I'll be sixty years old, will I think the world is cold_

_Or will I have a lot of children who can warm me_

_Soon I'll be sixty years old_

_Once I was seven years old, my momma told me_

_Go make yourself some friends or you'll be lonely_

_Once I was seven years old_

_Once I was seven years old_

Matthew stopped singing and Christopher and Thomas stummed the last notes. Jesse smiled at them. “That was really good guys.” He said in a sincere voice Thomas smiled back at him. “Thank you.” He said politely watching Jesse start turning things off. Thomas turned to James who had also started packing up. “Are we done already?” Matthew raised an unamused eyebrow.

“We have been practicing for hours, you didn’t bother to show up so I think you should practice a little more.” Thomas rolled his eyes. Most people would have found that rude but he knew that Matthew was just stressing over everything going well. Thomas had already planned on practicing extra anyway.

The boys packed up and left after saying goodbye. Thomas continued plucking a few notes before he got out his notebook and a pencil to start writing. 

  
  


About two hours later Thomas met up with the boys who were doing an instagram live with Cordelia, Lucie, and Alastair. Thomas smiled when Matthew flipped the camera around so they could see Thomas. “And here’s the late one. He decided to get breakfast with a friend instead of coming to rehearsal today.” Matthew said while Thomas laughed and rolled his eyes before turning the camera back to him.

“Anyway back to the questions.” Matthew said squinting at his phone screen. “This one is for you Jamie, Levy wants to know what your favorite song is by The Beautiful Cordelia.” James screwed up his face, a tell tale sign he was thinking and finally looked back at the camera with a smile. “Probably I Love It, that was a really good song.” Lucie laughed and nodded. “I loved that song Cordelia wrote most of it.” Cordelia blushed and rolled her eyes before looking at the phone and smirking as she read the next question. 

“Thomas this one’s for you. Who were you skipping rehearsal for?” Thomas blushed and debated telling the truth or not. He didn’t want Alastair to get the wrong idea if he lied, he didn’t want him to think he was embarrassed or anything but he also didn’t want to say Alastair because then people would start rumors and Thomas didn’t want there to be dating rumors between them because then he would have to continuously deny something he wished would happen.

Thomas shrugged. “I’m skipping that one.” He said calmly watching and Alastiar, James, Lucie, and Cordelia’s eyebrows all shot up. He mouthed tell you later and went around the couch where Matthew was sitting so he could read the questions coming in.

There were quite a few that just said Thomas is all caps when he came into view but eventually they went back to questions. Thomas read them and then picked one he liked. “Alastair, this one wants to know if you have any new songs in the making.” Alastair smiled as Matthew shifted the phone so they could see him. “I do actually. I’m not sure yet when I’ll release them though.” 

A bunch of comments began flooding in about how excited they were about the news. Thomas laughed reading them. He read one that asked when they’re first official concert was. “The first concert is happening tomorrow night.” Thomas chuckled at the excited comments. “I am very excited as well. I’m excited to meet you guys tomorrow.” He said straightening and stretching, his muscles sore and fingers aching from hours of guitar. 

Matthew started laughing and handed Thomas the phone. “The comments.” Matthew said unable to refrain from laughing hysterically. Thomas raised an eyebrow at his friend and looked at the comments, immediately blushing bright red. Apparently his shirt had ridden up to reveal his toned stomach.

“Guys!” Thomas said eyes wide as he read the highly inappropriate messages. Thomas covered his face with his hand, handing Matthew the phone back. He hadn’t stopped laughing and couldn’t take it so Thomas thrust it in James’ hand instead. James took one look at the comments and started laughing as well.

Thomas flipped them off with a groan, turning and walking to his room. He wanted to get a moment alone, something that would be scarce to come across the next few months. He let out a deep breath when he stepped into the room. He sat on his bed and pulled his songbook and guitar out.

There was something different about writing and practicing. Sure he played the guitar in both but practice felt more forced and it automatically annoyed him, writing was more of a stress reliever for him.

He got his phone out and took a video of the new song he was writing so the boys could practice it if he happened to be late. He was singing so Matthew could hear it first before he tried to just read the notes.

When he was done he took a shower, turning the water as hot as it could go trying to ignore the growing pit of anxiety in his stomach over the fact that in less than twenty four hours they would have to go in front of tons of people performing songs that meant more to Thomas than any of them would ever know.

Thomas shook the thought off and put new clothes on heading back to Lucie’s room to hang out for about an hour before he went to sleep, hopefully socializing would help distract him.


	8. Chapter 8

When Thomas woke up, he was absolutely terrified and questioning every life choice he had made that got him to where he was. How was he supposed to put on a concert? How many people were coming? Who would even want to come to see him?   
His stomach had dropped all the way down to his feet by the time they were heading down for breakfast. It must have shown on his face because the minute Lucie and Cordelia came down to join them Lucie pulled him into a tight hug and Cordelia smiled providing encouraging words. 

Thomas just poked his eggs, too nervous to actually eat anything. James and Christopher seemed to be in the same boat, neither of them having touched much of their food while Matthew, Lucie, and Cordelia happily ate their entire breakfast. 

When Cordelia finished eating she checked her phone, a flash of annoyance on her face. “Alastair isn’t responding so I’m assuming he’s still asleep. I’ll be back.” She stood up grabbing her trash and froze in her spot, his eyes dancing around confused. “Problem?” Matthew asked, taking a bite of his apple. 

Cordelia continued to look confused for a second before slowly sitting back down. “Umm, I forgot where his room is.” Thomas laughed quietly. “Room 302.” He said easily, still pushing around his eggs, mind running through all the things that could go wrong that night. Looks like sleep didn’t help anyway. He grabbed his cup of orange juice and took a sip.

Lucie gave him a knowing look and Cordelia smirked at him. “And how exactly do you know where Alastair’s room is?” Thomas’ hand froze midway to his mouth and he laughed awkwardly. “Umm, we all told each other our rooms remember?” Lucie and Cordelia weren’t buying it, Thomas didn’t even have to look at the other Merry Thieves to know that they weren’t either.

Cordelia’s smirk only deepened. “Oh yes of course. What is our room number Thomas?” She asked innocently, Thomas wished nothing more in that moment than for the earth to open up and swallow him whole. “It’s umm, it’s,” Thomas scratched his head, face far too hot than what was acceptable. He cursed his inability to remember things on the spot.  
“It’s-” Thomas was cut off by someone plopping down into the seat to his left. Alastair grinned at him taking in his flushed face. “What are we talking about that’s making Thomas blush so hard?” Alastair asked with a raised eyebrow. Thomas turned away from him, his embarrassment threatening to bubble over.

“Oh just y-” Lucie was cut off by Cordelia’s hand over her mouth, stopping what Thomas highly suspected was Lucie saying ‘you’. Lucie pouted, slumping in her chair and Cordelia smiled that deceivingly innocent smile of hers at her brother. “Nothing Alastair, we were just teasing him.” Alastair gave Thomas a hard look, a silent question in his eyes. ‘Really?’ Thomas shook his head numbly, desperately willing Alastair to drop the subject.

Alastair seemed to get the message and looked around the table at everyone’s plates, Thomas suspected that it was to see who was nervous. His suspicion was proven correct when Alastair smiled a rare genuine smile at everyone. “I know some of you are nervous,” His gaze lingered on Thomas who blushed and looked away. “But you really have no reason to be. It’s scary at first but once everyone is screaming and the music is playing it’s actually a really powerful experience.” 

Matthew scoffed and rolled his eyes, James elbowed him in the ribs and Matthew pouted. They shared a hard look before Matthew relented, slumping in his chair mumbling a “thanks Alastair” before going back to his previously abandoned apple. 

Alastair looked smug. 

Thomas smiled at Alastair, a warm feeling spreading through his body. Alastair when he chose to be could be a really encouraging person, anyone who has been the target of the encouragement could tell you that it was the best feeling in the world. Alastair gave Thomas a sincere smile before sitting back in his chair, his knee brushing against Thomas’. Thomas expected Alastair to move it but instead Alastair just flashed him a grin and winked, his knee staying flush against Thomas’ own.

Thomas’ heart flipped and Lucie and Cordelia were both watching him with identical ‘We’re talking about this later.’ looks. Thomas started fiddling with his sweatshirt, it had the logo for The Beautiful Cordelia that Lucie had given him as a gag gift last christmas. It had always made Lucie laugh because it was a joke but Thomas actually really enjoyed it and wore it quite frequently.

Cordelia stood up again, this time going to throw away her food, and when she came back she had a big smile on her face. “Okay so are we ready? We have about a thirty minute drive to the arena and then we are practicing for a bit.” Matthew nodded enthusiastically as Lucie stretched and stood up. Christopher stood as well gathering his things quickly. 

James and Thomas exchanged anxious glances, both positively sick with worry. Thomas felt a hand on his lower back and then Alastair was whispering in his ear. Thomas almost missed what he said, the only thing he could think about was Alastair’s hand and if he moved it just slightly down-

“Just calm down, you’ll be fine I promise.” And then Alastair’s hand was gone and Thomas was finally able to breathe, James walked up to him smirking, all nervousness gone without a trace. “You’re so whipped.” Thomas laughed and hit James’ arm lightly, James threw his head back laughing too, his golden eyes sparkling the way they did when he was truly amused. Thomas rolled his eyes, well at least someone was amused.

When they got on the bus the boys were shocked and a little confused as to why Jesse was there, Anna readily explained that he would be with them a lot making sure everything ran smoothly, she then told them separately to be nice because he really was a good person.

It came as even more of a shock when the girls climbed onto their bus chatting excitedly only for Lucie to freeze when she saw Jesse. Thomas saw James go to explain who he was but was cut off by Lucie’s confused words. “Jesse? What are you doing here?” Jesse laughed, one of the first emotions Thomas could sense from him and shrugged, still smiling at Lucie. “It’s my job, I didn’t realize this Anna was your cousin Anna.” 

Jesse turned to look at Anna, dressed nicely in business attire, all black, eyeliner around her eyes making the blue stand out strikingly. Thomas envied her ability to be so utterly comfortable and confident with herself. “Though I guess that’s on me, you certainly are one of a kind, Anna.” Jesse said, turning his charming, and it was charming, smile on Anna.

Anna rolled her eyes and ruffled his hair which in turn caused Jesse to roll his own eyes, James was watching their interactions with a highly confused expression that Thomas found rather funny. 

“I’m sorry what is happening?” Lucie laughed and turned to her brother. “This is Jesse we met at a coffee shop once, he spilled coffee on me and in turn offered to buy me another, failing to realize it was his own coffee he spilled.” Lucie said, eyes clouding over slightly as if she was reliving the memory, a soft smile danced on her lips. Jesse blushed, a small smile on his lips too. “I did say sorry.” He said looking at Lucie in a way that told Thomas there was far more to the story than what Lucie had supplied.

This time it was Thomas who gave Lucie a knowing look, the only one having picked up on what was really happening besides Cordelia who was smirking at Jesse as he tried, failing terribly, to hide his blush.

“Anyway Jesse,” Thomas said, saving Lucie and Jesse from further embarrassment. “It’s great to have you on the trip, I have a feeling you’ll fit right in.” Jesse smiled gratefully, Thomas was starting to think that maybe he did show emotions and he might have just been closed off to the boys because they were strangers.

Lucie and Jesse sat next to each other on the couch, Cordelia perched herself on the arm of the chair Matthew was sitting on, James leaning on the back of the chair, chin resting on Matthew’s head as the three talked. Christopher sat down with his sister on the other couch, Thomas felt a weird pang in his chest. He sat on the ground in front of Lucie, leaning against her legs, her hand automatically went to his hair, her fingers running through it in a calming fashion.

Thomas let out a small sigh. There were occasions, such as this one, where everyone will have conversations and forget to involve him. He is well aware it is not on purpose but it doesn’t help the fact that it still felt bad, bad enough to make him not want to talk to anyone.

Thomas laid his head back, he was getting antsy and needed someone to touch him. Lucie had her hand in his hair but that wasn’t doing much so he stood up and walked over to James, Matthew, and Cordelia. Cordelia and James were talking and laughing about something, Matthew watched with a smile that soon dissipated when he saw the expression on Thomas’ face.

Matthew stood up rather abruptly and James let out a small yelp, having bit his tongue since his chin was still resting on Matthew’s head when he shot up. Matthew apologized and kissed him briefly before grabbing Thomas’ hand and pulled him into one of the bedrooms. 

“Are you okay Tommy?” Matthew asked, his green eyes searching Thomas’ brown ones. “I’m alright.” Thomas said, Matthew stood silently for a few seconds before walking up to Thomas and hugging him tightly. Thomas all but fell into the embrace, glad Matthew knew him well enough to not need words for what was upsetting him.

When Thomas pulled away they sat on the bed, Thomas’ head resting on Matthew’s lap, Matthew’s hands taking Lucie’s place, his fingers running through Thomas’ hair. “I like him a lot, and I’m just confused.” Thomas said suddenly, knowing full and well Matthew had sat in silence because he knew Thomas hated it.

Shifting slightly, Matthew smiled sadly down at Thomas. “Talk through it.” Matthew said simply, his hands moving to put Thomas’ relatively short hair into small braids. Thomas hated when Matthew braided his hair but the motions of it was sooting to Thomas and he needed it right now.

“He’s just so confusing. Before this tour I didn’t even think we were friends but now we’re all buddy buddy and he keeps winking and he called me a snack.” Thomas was talking with his hands and at this point he stopped and looked at Matthew to emphasize his point. “A snack! Who does that! Who calls their friends snacks? Was he joking? Does he flirt with everyone? I just want him to stop if he doesn’t actually like me. I don’t want to keep getting my hopes up if he is just kidding.” Thomas stopped and took a breath sinking further into Matthew.

He didn’t know how or why but Matthew was by far the best person to go to when you needed to rant or needed comfort. Normally he was dramatic and didn’t take anything seriously but if the need arose Matthew was quite good at being serious and giving advice.

Matthew hummed in acknowledgement and when it was obvious that Thomas was done talking Mattew looked down at him, a fond smile on his face. “Tommy, if it bothers you it is okay to tell him to stop. I get where you’re coming from so you could just ask him if he cares about you, the worst that can happen is him say no and you can just play it off as a joke. That would suck but then you’d have your answer.”   
Thomas took that in. He could ask Alastair, he could ask him in a teasing way so if he said no Thomas could play it off but in all honesty he didn’t want to just play it off. He wanted Alastair to care, he wanted to live in his head where Alastair did care. He was far too into Alastair to just be okay with Alastair saying he didn’t reciprocate those feelings.

“Did it hurt,” Thomas asked in a small voice, not meeting Matthew’s eyes. “When you realized you loved James before you two got together?” Matthew’s hand stilled in Thomas’ hair momentarily while he thinks, resuming when he begins talking. “It did a little, it was sort of bittersweet because he’s such a touchy person that it also gave me hope but deep down I was so certain that he didn’t like me. Love will always hurt Thomas.” Matthew said, meeting Thomas’ eyes. “But the thing about love, is that no matter how much it hurts, it’ll always get better. Let it be with the person you’re with or the next person you’re with who fixes what the first person did. Does that make sense?” He asked, caring green eyes staring at Thomas questioningly.

Thomas smiled softly, “Yeah it does.” He said mulling over the idea in his head. Thomas stands up and stretches, Matthew following suit. Thomas smiled at Matthew and ruffled his perfectly messy hair, causing Matthew to shriek and duck away which only made his hair look worse. Thomas laughed and as they went to the door he looked over at Matthew with a more serious expression. 

“Honestly though Math, thank you. A lot.” Matthew shook his head and shrugged it off, opening the door and putting his hand out in a signal for Thomas to go first. “After you your highness.” Thomas laughed again and walked out, smiling at Alastair who must have appeared sometime when Matthew and Thomas were talking.

Alastair smiled back and opened his mouth to say something but abruptly closed it when Matthew came out, smoothing his hair down. Alastair’s face fell momentarily before he masked it with a fake smile that made Thomas wonder how many people it fooled. He wasn’t one of them.

Thomas quirked an eyebrow and threw him a questioning look which Alastair pointedly ignored, turning back to Cordelia who he had previously been in a conversation with. Thomas stiffened and felt a wave of hurt crash through him.

Normally Alastair would have laughed or said something sarcastic, Thomas couldn’t remember the last time Alastair blatantly ignored him. He felt a hand land on his shoulder and turned to look at Matthew’s concerned eyes. Thomas just shrugged and walked over to the couch, sinking down to the ground, back against Lucie again.

Had he done something to offend Alastair? He couldn’t think of any off the top of his head but he was sure there was something he had done, what else explained his hostility towards Thomas? Alastair’s actions threw Thomas for a loop after the conversation he had just had with Matthew.

Lucie’s fingers were in his hair again and his eyes started to get heavy, anxiety wearing him thin. He tilted his head back, slouching so it was more comfortable and closed his eyes, pretending to sleep. He didn’t really have the energy to do anything or talk to anyone.

There was only one person he really wanted to talk to but Barbara was off doing wedding plans and had told Thomas that she wouldn’t be available for the next two hours. He briefly thought about blowing her phone up anyway but eventually decided against that.

Thomas listened to the conversations around him. Matthew and Anna were talking about some bar they couldn’t wait to go to, Thomas had never heard the name. Cordelia, James, and Christopher were talking about their song selection for the concert tonight, Thomas quickly tuned them out instead opting to listen to Jesse and Lucie talk in hushed voices. 

“What is the likelihood of you getting this job!” Lucie said excitedly, Thomas heard Jesse laugh, “Honestly I was thinking the same thing. All the jobs and I wound up with you, not that I’m complaining.” Thomas mentally pulled a face, reminding himself yet again to talk to Lucie tonight or tomorrow morning.

The only person who Thomas couldn’t hear was Alastair. Thomas opened his eyes slightly, not wanting to give up his sleeping facade. Alastair was sitting opposite Thomas, his back propped up against Cordelia’s legs, not unlike Thomas and Lucie. Thomas realized with a start Alastair was watching him, but he calmed when he realized Alastair had that far away look in his eyes, a tale tail sign he was deep in thought.

Thomas briefly wondered what he was thinking about before shaking the thought off and closing his eyes all the way again. It really wasn’t any of his business.

Thomas woke to someone shaking his shoulders unnecessarily hard, his eyes peeled open and he saw Christopher in front of him. Thomas looked around and was vaguely alarmed at the fact that they were the only two in here.

“Where is everyone?” Thomas asked, his words slurring slightly in exhaustion. Christopher rolled his eyes, “We tried waking you up and it was decided I was most likely to get you up eventually.” Thomas blushed slightly, normally Thomas was a very light sleeper but other times when he was more emotionally drained than physically it took at least three people to wake up.

Christopher reached out his hand and Thomas took it, using his hand as leverage to pull himself up. Thomas stretched and followed Christopher off the bus. “Hey Kit, where are we going?” Thomas asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “We get the stage for rehearsal so we’re heading to the arena.” Thomas nodded as they entered a hall that was made of stone, there was writing all along the lines and Thomas traced some of the names, stories popping up in his head about the people who had been here before.

Had they been nervous too?

When the hallway opened up to a big room, Thomas walked over to where James was sitting, a half eaten apple in his hand, his head thrown back laughing at something Matthew had said. Matthew was leaning against the wall in front of his boyfriend, soft smile on his lips, the kind only James got.

Thomas and Christopher walked over to them and James smiled widely at them. “Are you ready?” He asked looking at all of them in turn, his nervousness from the morning seemingly gone. The closer it got to the concert the number Thomas was getting, he wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing but he wasn’t hating it.

Matthew and Christopher nodded enthusiastically and Thomas shrugged. Christopher threw an arm around his cousin, “Come on Tommy it’ll be amazing, aren’t you the least bit excited?” Thomas found himself smiling, unable to be anxious when all of them were looking at him drowning in anticipation. 

Thomas threw his arm around Christopher laughing. “Okay maybe a little.” They all cheered and Matthew grabbed James, pulling him up and walking further down the hallway. Christopher and Thomas followed, throwing their feet to the far left and right of each other taking exaggerated steps together.

Thomas froze when Matthew opened a door that led to the stage. It was relatively dark but that’s not what made him freeze. Once he took a step onto the stage this feeling washed over him as he surveyed the thousands of seats, the lights dancing on the stage, the big posters and drum seat that all read ‘THE MERRY THIEVES’ in big letters.

It felt like home.

Fighting off tears from the overwhelming feeling, Thomas walked over to his guitar. Picking at the strings he watched his unbiological brothers get their own instruments, tossing jokes back and forth. 

Thomas felt a lightness settle in his bones, as long as he had them he would be fine, it had always been like that. He let out a breath, the anxiety from earlier leaving as he exhaled. Matthew clapped dramatically. “Let’s start! Do the order we’re doing for tonight.” Waiting long enough to receive three nods he turned back to the empty chairs and started counting.

Thomas started strumming and Matthew started singing, he realized the girls were sitting in the audience when he caught sight of Cordelia’s auburn hair. They were both jumping up and down pretending to be fangirls, Lucie was fanning herself as if she might pass out and Cordelia was screaming “I love you!” at the top of her lungs. 

Smiling at his guitar Thomas leaned into the microphone in front of him to sing backup for the chorus, both girls screamed louder when his voice came through and Thomas had a hard time keeping the laughter out of his voice. 

After they played through their concert portion and the last song finished Lucie and Cordelia screamed and clapped, jumping up and down while the boys laughed. Thomas was so caught up that he physically jumped when someone grabbed his elbow, turning Thomas realized it was Alastair. 

“Are you going to sing for us Lightwood?” Thomas almost sighed audibly at the name, so he was back to Lightwood now? “Not tonight no.” Thomas said, shaking his head, Alastair watched him for a second before saying, a small smile on his lips, “Then why don’t you sing now instead of the concert tonight?” Thomas considered it before pulling a face and shaking his head slowly. “Oh come on Tommy!” Matthew said, Alastair and THomas turned to look at him. He was standing next to James, as he almost always was, and James was playing with his fingers, kissing the pads lightly.

Thomas rolled his eyes at their cuteness and turned back to Alastair who had a very confused look on his face. He turned back to Thomas, eyebrows furrowed as he tried to work something out. “They’re- Are they- wait.” Alastair spluttered. Matthew’s eyes darkened and James froze. “Together? Yes.” Thomas said, watching Alastair’s face carefully. Thomas knew Alastair wasn’t homophobic or anything since the thing with Charles happened and all but it didn’t mean Alastair wouldn’t be uncomfortable with James and Matthew.

“Is that a problem?” Matthew asked defensively, Alastair’s eyes widened and he shook his head quickly. “No! No, god no. I only meant- well I thought,” Alastair blushed and looked at the empty audience. “Well doesn’t matter, nevermind.” Thomas raised an eyebrow. “Now I’m curious.” Alastair laughed and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Well I kind of thought- well I thought you and Matthew were dating when you two came out of the room and yo-your hair was messed up and your shirts were wrinkled.” Alastair mumbled quietly.

The room fell silent and Alastair turned a deeper shade of red before everyone burst into laughter. Matthew slumped against James and Christopher threw his head back, Cordelia and Lucie were giggling loudly as they made their way to the stage. Thomas had his hands on his knees supporting himself as he laughed loudly, Alastair slapped his arm lightly. “Shut up Thomas!” That only made him laugh harder. “A-Are we ba-back to T-Thomas?” Thomas asked between the laughter.

Alastair groaned, his cheeks going impossibly redder. “Oh god.” He groaned into his hands which had come up to cover his face. Thomas grabbed his stomach which was starting to hurt from the laughter that wouldn’t stop.

“So are you singing or not?” Alastair asked in a bitter voice as a way to change the subject. “Only if you sing with me.” Thomas said without thinking, as soon as he caught up with his words he shook his head. “Wait no.” Alastair was grinning at him shaking his head. “No no I do believe you’ve already said yes.” Thomas groaned as Christopher, James, and Matthew walked off the stage making themselves comfortable on the front row of seats.

Matthew winked at Thomas and Thomas returned it by flipping him off. Matthew laughed and Thomas picked up his guitar again, Alastiar walking to the microphone. Thomas walked over to him. “What song are we singing?” Alastiar pulled the microphone down, quietly cursing Matthew and his height. “What about Have It All?” Thomas nodded. Thomas had set down one day with Matthew and wrote that song, it was how Matthew asked him out. James had cried.

Thomas went back to his microphone and Alastair looked over, watching Thomas for his count before starting. Thomas bobbed his head slightly as he silently counted the beats before strumming slightly, flashing a smile at Alastair who returned it before he started singing.

_May you have auspiciousness and causes of success_

_May you have the confidence to always do your best_

_May you take no effort in your being generous_

_Sharing what you can, nothing more nothing less_

_May you know the meaning of the word happiness_

_May you always lead from the beating in your chest_

_May you be treated like an esteemed guest_

_May you get to rest, may you catch your breath_

_And may the best of your todays be the worst of your tomorrows_

_And may the road less paved be the road that you follow_

_Well here's to the hearts that you're gonna break_

_Here's to the lives that you're gonna change_

_Here's to the infinite possible ways to love you_

_I want you to have it_

_Here's to the good times we're gonna have_

_You don't need money, you got a free pass_

_Here's to the fact that I'll be sad without you_

_I want you to have it all_

_Oh! I want you to have it all_

_I want you to have it_

_I want you to have it all_

_May you be as fascinating as a slap bracelet_

_May you keep the chaos and the clutter off your desk_

_May you have unquestionable health and less stress_

_Having no possessions though immeasurable wealth_

_May you get a gold star on your next test_

_May your educated guesses always be correct_

_And may you win prizes shining like diamonds_

_May you really own it each moment to the next_

_And may the best of your todays be the worst of your tomorrows_

_And may the road less paved be the road that you follow_

_Well here's to the hearts that you're gonna break_

_Here's to the lives that you're gonna change_

_Here's to the infinite possible ways to love you_

_I want you to have it_

_Here's to the good times we're gonna have_

_You don't need money, you got a free pass_

_Here's to the fact that I'll be sad without you_

_I want you to have it all_

_Oh, I want you to have it all_

_I want you to have it_

_I want you to have it all_

_Oh, I want you to have it all_

_All you can imagine_

_All, no matter what your path is_

_If you believe it then anything can happen_

_Go, go, go raise your glasses_

_Go, go, go you can have it all_

_I toast you_

_Here's to the hearts that you're gonna break_

_Here's to the lives that you're gonna change_

_Here's to the infinite possible ways to love you_

_I want you to have it_

_Here's to the good times we're gonna have_

_You don't need money, you got a free pass_

_Here's to the fact that I'll be sad without you_

_I want you to have it all_

_Oh, I want you to have it all_

_I want you to have it_

_I want you to have it all_

_Here's to the good times we're gonna have_

_Here's to you always making me laugh_

_Here's to the fact that I'll be sad without you_

_I want you to have it all_

Thomas played the last note numbly. His heart was racing and it took all of Thomas’ focus to not let his hands slip on the strings, cold sweat on his palms. He couldn’t take his eyes off of Alastair who was now looking at him with a huge smile, it took a minute for the other’s cheers and shouts to reach him and when he looked down he saw Lucie with her phone out, the light on. 

He couldn’t tell if it was the flash from a video or just a flashlight but Thomas hoped it was the latter.

Alastair came over to him clapping his hands. “Thomas you really should sing at the concert you’re so good!” He said happily, seemingly having forgotten about whatever Thomas had done earlier. Thomas laughed and shook his head.

Alastair quieted and stared at Thomas, Thomas was about to break the silence when Alastair blurted, “Do you want to go out with me?” Thomas froze, his eyes widening, heart racing. Alastair seemed nervous but he still had that confident smile he always wore. 

Before he could say anything Anna was on the stage getting everyone’s attention. Thomas couldn’t pull his eyes away from Alastair who was now looking at Anna. “Every go get dressed we start in an hour!” Anna said motioning for them all to leave.

Alastair turned back to Thomas and smiled. “See you after the concert.” He said in a chipper voice. “Wait what?” Thomas asked quietly, his mind reeling. Alastair was quite a ways away by the time he got his voice back. “Wait what?” He shrieked when he finally processed Alastair’s words. Alastair turned and winked at Thomas before disappearing behind a corner.

Before he knew it, Thomas was being led to a dressing room to get ready. Thomas didn’t know what he was more nervous about now, the concert or talking to Alastair afterward. Thomas sighed and changed into some skinny jeans and a too-tight shirt that had him questioning Anna’s antics before sitting in a chair and letting the makeup lady apply face paint.

Thomas closed his eyes and let out a slow breath. He knew one thing for sure, it was going to be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have It All by Jason Mraz


	9. Chapter 9

There was a lot of buzz before the concert and Thomas couldn’t help but feel the excitement that was radiating from everyone. They were supposed to start the concert in about an hour and a half, they had split the concert evenly between the three bands, making sure that it was truly a shared concert and not one of them being the opening act. 

The Merry Thieves were playing first tonight, then Beautiful Cordelia, and lastly Alastair. He hadn’t seen Alastair or the girls but he was currently sitting in a room with Matthew, Christopher, and James.

They had a tradition from when they started as YouTubers with ten followers, to always have the same face paint in every video, they all had meanings behind them that the fans didn’t know about, though most of them had come up with theories as they became more popular.

Matthew always had a glass of spilled wine that covered his eye and fell down his face in a way that looked like blood. He had a problem with underage drinking since he was about thirteen. His parents weren’t really around and he didn’t have a good reason to stop, his friends had always tried to talk him out of it but it had never worked. The only reason he stopped was after a talk with Will, James’ father. No one knew what Will had said, neither of them would talk about it, but since that day Matthew hadn’t touched alcohol, and Will all but adopted Matthew after the conversation.

Christopher had a broken beaker with bubbling green liquid fizzing over, a testament to his love of chemistry and science. Christopher had always loved science but often blew things up, it wasn’t because he was bad he was actually very smart but he was ahead of his time more often than not. A lot of the kids at school would bully him for it, lock him in the back lockers, tear pages out of his books, mess his experiments up on purpose. It had gotten bad for a while and Christopher had given up science for about two months before Anna had managed to pull him out of his slump. He had chosen the beaker as a way to say he was proud of what set him apart and he wouldn’t allow people to put him down for that anymore.

James had black wings that went sideways over one cheek and ended on the opposite side of his face, black feathers burnt on the edges and some on fire littered his other cheek. He wore it as a symbol of growing up in the shadows of his parents. He had always been the black sheep of his family, though he certainly acted like his parents at times. He also wore it as a proud sign of depression, a battle he had fought for a long time. He would have days where he was so out of it he hardly recognized anyone and it was like he was being dragged down. Eventually, his friends had pulled him out of it, mostly Matthew and Lucie, and he found his footing again. That was when they had started the band.

Thomas had a large compass on the side of his cheek, the hands were vines and a red rose was blooming in the middle of it. It was a symbol for when he lost his way and started getting into trouble. Thomas was a good person at heart but sometimes people come into your life and knock you off track. He had gone to Paris one year and had gotten into a lot of trouble, it had been worse because he didn’t know how to tell his parents so instead he just didn’t come back. After he missed coming home and refused to answer anyone, Barbara found him, when he questioned how she had just glared and said that she had her ‘ways.’ She talked some sense into him and he went back, it taught him that there were always people there, and he should never be afraid to go home. The compass he had chosen to say that he had found his way, the arrow pointing north to his home.

The boys had decided that they would go talk to fans before the concert, there were always fans that got there early and stood outside the doors. Thomas followed Christopher, James was on Matthew’s back, laughing loudly as Matthew took off down the hallway. Christopher turned to him with wide excited eyes and Thomas rolled his eyes in mock annoyance.

“Wait come back.” Thomas called down the hallway, squatting so Christopher could jump on his back. Matthew spun around and jogged back to where Thomas stood, straightening up. Christopher was relatively small so it didn’t take much strength to carry him.

“Race!” James shouted excitedly, Matthew wooted and stood next to Thomas who was laughing. Matthew raised an eyebrow at Thomas, a joyful grin on his face. “You’re going down Lightwood!” Thomas rammed his shoulder into Matthew who stumbled a little, Thomas lagged and Matthew stuck his tongue out. “No cheating!” James said from Matthew’s back, he was grinning lazily at Thomas, a relaxed expression that was very seldom on his face.

Thomas looked forward. “You’re on.” Christopher laughed and started counting down slowly. “Three, Two, One!” Thomas and Matthew took off. Thomas stumbled for a second, not used to the wait and Matthew took it as a chance to get ahead of them. Thomas took off after him, Christopher laughing and clinging to Thomas for dear life. 

Thomas pulled to the lead, the advantage of having long legs. Thomas looked behind him to Matthew who was cursing and speeding up, Thomas laughed and looked back in front of him just in time to turn around a corner and run straight into someone. 

He fell backward, Christopher shrieking as he went down with him. Thomas turned mid-fall, trying to avoid landing on Christopher. He landed with a large thump and heard Matthew and James laughing hysterically at them. Normally Thomas would have laughed too but he was too busy trying to get air back into his lungs, all of it having been expelled when he landed squarely on his back.

He turned to look at Christopher to make sure he was okay, he heard him laughing and laid back down. Christopher got up and started talking to the person they had run into, Thomas just stayed on the ground willing the air to come back to his lungs. After a second Matthew and Alastair were standing over him. 

Matthew was still laughing but Alastair looked rather concerned. Thomas sat up slowly coughing and thanking god he could breathe now. “Are you alright? I would say sorry but I rather fancy that was your fault.” Thomas laughed and Alastair laughed with him. 

Thomas was well aware of how red his face was, last he had seen Alastair he was being asked out and left standing there like a fish, opening and closing his mouth dumbly, now he was sat on the ground having run Alastair over in a stupid race.

“This is so embarrassing.” Thomas groaned, his hand rubbing the back of his head where he had hit it on the concrete floor. Alastair laughed and shook his head, his hand coming down to help Thomas up. 

“Where were you going so fast anyway?” At this Thomas forgot his embarrassment and turned to look at Matthew who still had James on his back. “This does not mean you win!” Thomas said, pointing his finger at Matthew. “I fell, that does not mean you win. It doesn’t count as a forfeit or whatever thing you were going to say.” Matthew stuck out his lips in a pout. “But Thomas.” He said in a whiny voice, Alastair was watching the exchange with amused eyes and Thomas shook his head firmly.

“Sorry no I win, isn’t that right Alastair.” He said turning to Alastair, faking confidence to shake off the lasting effects of his earlier embarrassment. Alastair nodded enthusiastically. “Oh yes, very much so.” Matthew groaned. “That’s not fair, you can’t ask your boyfriend! He’s biased!” Thomas blushed again, his embarrassment renewed, as Alastair laughed. “Not yet. Where are you going?” Alastair asked Matthew, nonchalance rolling off him in waves. Thomas wondered if Alastair was aware he had just given him a heart attack. 

James turned his attention to Thomas, a wicked smile spreading across his face. “Not yet?” He mouthed, amusement dancing in his eyes. Thomas just glared in response.

“We’re going to see the fans before the concert.” Matthew said, dropping James back on his feet. Alastair’s face lit up. “Oh, that’s my favorite part! Can I come?” He asked, the question was directed at Thomas but Christopher beat him to it. “More the merrier.” He said, quite literally skipping down the hall towards the big double doors that led outside. 

Matthew and James started walking, Matthew gave Thomas a pointed look before grabbing James’ hand and pulling him faster so they were a few paces ahead of Alastair and Thomas. Thomas could feel his palms sweating and took a deep breath before looking at Alastair with a smile on his face.   
“You know, you never actually heard if I agreed to go out with you.” Alastair tilted his head, a playful smile resting on his lips. He stopped walking and winked at Thomas. “Oh my dearest Thomas Fabian Lightwood, would you do me the greatest honor of going on a date with me.” Thomas laughed loudly, something told him that he should be embarrassed but the scene in front of him was too funny.

“That is most certainly not my middle name but I think I will.” Thomas said through his laughter, Alastair beamed at him and continued walking to the door considerably closer to Thomas now.

They were greeted by about a hundred screaming fans as they walked out. Thomas turned to Alastair with a disbelieving smile and he just clapped a hand on Thomas’s shoulder with a laugh, something that could be passed off as friendly Thomas noted gratefully. 

Alastair turned and went to talk to a girl who looked to be about eighteen with an “I <3 Alastair” poster. Thomas smiled at the way Alastair’s face was lit up, completely comfortable in this environment. 

“Thomas! Thomas!” He turned to look at who was screaming his name and saw a woman who was holding hands with a girl who looked to be about five years old. He walked over with a smile and crouched down so he could be more level with the girl. “And what is your name?” He asked with a kind smile, the girl was buzzing with excitement. “I’m Talia!” She said, a large slightly toothless smile plastered on her face. “It’s my birthday.” She said quietly watching him with wide eyes as if the excitement were wearing off and she was getting shy.

He laughed and flashed her a large smile. “I have a question, it’s important so don’t just say something to please me alright?” She nodded enthusiastically and Thomas laughed making eye contact with her mother who was watching the interaction with a fond smile. “Alright, do you like Alastair or The Merry Thieves better?” He asked and watched her face scrunch up in thought.

“I love you but I love Alastair a lot.” She said, her face distressed as if she genuinely couldn’t decide. Thomas laughed and nodded. “I will be right back, okay?” He said winking at her, she nodded furiously and he smiled turning away.

Thomas walked up to Alastair and said hello to the boy he was talking to. “Do you mind if I steal him for just a second?” Thomas asked the boy who looked disappointed but nodded anyway, a starstruck look on his face.

Thomas pulled Alastair gently by the elbow over to the Talia whose eyes had gone triple the normal size. “Oh.” She said quietly as Thomas crouched back down in front of her, Alastair followed his lead shooting a look at Thomas silently asking him to explain. Thomas turned to Alastair with a warm smile, “Well, it’s Talia’s birthday today and she loves you more than me.” He let out an exaggerated sigh and Talia started protesting immediately.

Thomas laughed loudly and patted her head. “It’s alright I’m quite fond of him too.” He said, throwing a secretive smile at Alastair who was watching him fondly. “So Talia, I was thinking we could sing you happy birthday?” Talia squealed loudly and then tried to play it off by clearing her throat, Thomas laughed and ruffled her hair.

Talia’s mom grabbed her phone quickly and started recording while Thomas looked at Alastair before nodding and they started. As they sang the people around them sang along and before they reached the second line the rest of the Merry Thieves and the crowd were singing along. There were tons of cameras on them and Thomas couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up when it suddenly got really quiet when they sang Talia’s name due to only a few people having heard it.

When they were done Alastair smiled widely at her. “How old are you Talia?” She beamed at him. “I’m six.” Thomas smiled, he hadn’t been far off. Alastair smiled at her as he stood up. “Well happy birthday sweetie, I hope you enjoy the concert.” Alastair gave Thomas a look and without question, Thomas took over talking to her as Alastair leaned over to whisper something in Talia’s mother’s ear.

“What do you want for your birthday?” He asked secretively, Talia just watched him with wide eyes. “To meet you.” She said simply, a shy smile resting on her face. Thomas felt warmth blossom in his chest and reached over to hug her gently. “I’m very glad I got to meet you today Talia.” She giggled and held on to him while he rubbed her back.

Alastair crouched next to them with an excited smile. “Talia, since it’s your birthday and you decided to come and spend it with us, would you like to see us again after the concert? We can hang out a bit?” Talia was silent for a minute staring at Alastair as if he had just offered her the moon, she turned to her mom with her mouth open and she laughed. “I’m fine with it Talie.” She said, running a hand through her daughter's hair. 

Talia squealed and launched herself into Alastair’s arms nodding. Alastair laughed as he landed on the ground, the force of Talia flinging herself on him knocking him off balance.

They hugged her one more time and gave her backstage passes for after the concert before heading off to say hello to more people before they had to go back

Thomas greeted about ten more fans before Matthew was dragging him back inside. He laughed as he stumbled, trying to keep himself upright at the speed Matthew was going. “I’m coming give me a second!” Thomas said after tripping on the raised bar that separated the inside and outside.

It was a rush of lights and sounds as they all got ready. Cordelia, Lucie, Anna, Alastair, and surprisingly Jesse had all stopped to wish them good luck before they went out on stage. They were currently backstage watching the fans from where they were tucked away in the shadows of the stage. 

Matthew was bouncing on the balls of his feet and James was laughing at his excitement while Christopher just stared in wonder at everything. Thomas felt that nervous flutter in his stomach again but was pleasantly surprised when he realized his excitement was winning out.

They were on in two minutes and Matthew turned to them with a big smile. “Huddle.” He said and the boys laughed as they made a circle, their arms over shoulders. Thomas was between Matthew and Christopher, bending down to accommodate for his height.

“I would just like to say gentlemen,” Matthew said in a noticeably quieter voice that informed the other boys it was about to get sappy. “That no matter what happens out there I wouldn’t want to do it with anyone but y’all.” Thomas brought his hand up to Matthew’s hair to ruffle it slightly as Christopher smiled at them and voiced his agreement, James kissed Matthew on the cheek and turned to everyone. 

“I love you guys more than anything and I know we’re going to rock it tonight.” He gave Thomas a pointed look as he said the next part. “There’s no reason to be nervous and we’re all right there so just know we’ve got your back.” Matthew nodded and Christopher clapped his shoulder. Thomas beamed at them wondering how he got so lucky to have these three as his best friends.

“I’m proud of all of you. I really am, just look how far we’ve come.” Thomas said in a gentle voice, gesturing with his head at the crowd and stage. Matthew laughed and James looked at all of them. “I’m proud of y’all too. It took a lot to get here.” James said and Thomas couldn’t disagree.

Christopher put his head in the middle and they all put their heads together. “Let’s rock this.” Christopher said and Thomas could hear his smile even if he couldn’t see it. They all shouted their agreement and broke the huddle. Anna was standing there looking at them fondly.

She came up and ruffled his brother’s hair before flinging her arm around Matthew’s shoulders. “Knock ‘em dead boys.” She said and Thomas smiled at the proudness she felt in her voice. It always was the best feeling to have Anna be proud of you.

Thomas grabbed James and Matthew’s hands and James grabbed Christopher’s, they all squeezed their hands and smiled at each other. “Let’s do this.” James said and with that, they all strode onto the stage.

The crowd had already been loud but the screams were deafening when they saw the boys walk on stage. Thomas couldn’t help the giddy excitement building up in his chest. This was real. This was happening. 

Matthew adjusted the microphone and waved at the crowd who screamed again in response. “Hello! I’m Matthew Fairchild and we’re the Merry Thieves.” He had to pause as another wave of scream washed over the crowd. Thomas could feel his heart pounding against his ribcage. This _was real, this was real, this was real._

. “We’re so glad to be here today thank y’all for welcoming us!” Another wave of screams and applause rang out and the boys all shared a disbelieving look. “Okay! I do believe we should get this started don’t y’all agree?” More screams. There were a few girls in the front who were all screaming at Matthew with signs that said ‘Marry me?’ and ‘#1 Fairchild Stan’ which Thomas didn’t actually understand.

Matthew winked at the girls who started freaking out. “Okay, this song is called Bang!” There were cheers from everywhere and Thomas smiled at the crowd before moving to the electric piano that was off to the side. He started the song as James and Christopher started clapping and Matthew smiled at the crowd as he began singing.

_I get up, I get down and I'm jumping around_

_And the rumpus and ruckus are comfortable now_

_Been a hell of a ride but I'm thinking it's time to grow_

_Bang! Bang! Bang!_

_So I got an apartment across from the park_

_Put quinoa in my fridge, still I'm not feeling grown_

_Been a hell of a ride but I'm thinking it's time to go_

_Bang! Bang! Bang!_

_(Here we go)_

James and Christopher start playing their respective instruments and the crowd screams as the drums and guitar filter through.

_So put your best face on everybody_

_Pretend you know this song_

_Everybody come hang (come hang)_

_Let's go out with a bang_

_Bang! Bang! Bang!_

_I'm way too young to lie here forever_

_I'm way too old to try so whatever come hang (come hang)_

_Let's go out with a bang_

_Bang! Bang! Bang!_

_Feel like I'm gonna puke 'cause my taxes are due_

_Does my password begin with a one or a two?_

_Been a hell of a ride but I'm thinking it's time to grow_

_Bang! Bang! Bang!_

_(Metronome)_

_Man, I'm up to something (up to something)_

_Ooh de la de do, thank you all for coming (all for coming)_

_I hope you like the show_

_'Cause it's on a budget (on a budget)_

_So ooh de la de do_

_Yeah, come on, here we go_

_Yeah, come on_

_(Here we go)_

_So put your best face on everybody_

_Pretend you know this song_

_Everybody come hang (come hang)_

_Let's go out with a bang_

_Bang! Bang! Bang!_

_I'm way too young to lie here forever_

_I'm way too old to try so whatever come hang (come hang)_

_Let's go out with a bang_

_Bang! Bang! Bang! (Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!)_

_Bang! Bang! Bang! (Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!)_

_Been a hell of a ride but I'm thinking it's time to go_

_So put your best face on everybody_

_Pretend you know this song_

_Everybody come hang_

_Let's go out with a bang_

_Bang! Bang! Bang!_

_(Here we go)_

_So put your best face on everybody_

_Pretend you know this song_

_Everybody come hang (come hang)_

_Let's go out with a bang_

_Bang! Bang! Bang! (Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!)_

_I'm way too young to lie here forever_

_I'm way too old to try so whatever come hang (come hang)_

_Let's go out with a bang_

_Bang! Bang! Bang!_

_(Here we go)_

_Bang! Bang!_

Thomas watched as the crowd screams and claps. Thomas couldn’t really get a good breath in but it’s not like his panic attacks it’s almost a good feeling. Thomas watched as he sat back on James’ drum platform as Matthew starts addressing the crowd again.

James smiled at him and puts his hand over his microphone as he leaned forward to talk to Thomas. “You doing okay?” He asks just loud enough for Thomas to hear, Thomas looks around again and nods turning his head back to James. “God yes, this is magical.” James laughs and nods in agreement as Matthew finishes talking. 

James shoos Thomas away and he goes to pick up his guitar. He looks over to the side of the stage and pauses momentarily when he sees Alastair, Cordelia, and Lucie sitting there watching them. Lucie and Cordelia wave with bright smiles on their faces while Alastair meets Thomas’s eyes and wink giving him a thumbs-up gesture. 

Thomas laughs lightly and points at him before he looks at Christopher and nods signaling them to start. The notes start filtering in and Thomas can’t help sending one last look towards Alastair.

_There once was a bittersweet man and they called him, "Lemon Boy"_

_He was growing in my garden and I pulled him out by his hair like a weed_

_And like weeds do he only came and grew back again_

_So, I figured this time I might as well let him be_

_Lemon Boy and me started to get along together_

_I helped him plant his seeds_

_And we'd mow the lawn in bad weather_

_It's actually pretty easy being nice to a bitter boy like him_

_So, I got myself a citrus friend_

_But soon his bittersweet started to rub off on me_

_You'd think smelling like lemon zest would be pretty neat_

_I found out that my friends are more of the savory type_

_And they weren't too keen on compromising with a nice lemon pie_

_So Lemon Boy and me, we just gotta get along together_

_I helped him plant his seeds_

_And we'll mow the lawn in bad weather_

_It's actually pretty easy being nice to a bitter boy like him_

_So, I got myself a citrus friend_

_But what if I run out of fertilizer?_

_What if the clouds run out of rain?_

_What if Lemon Boy won't grow no longer?_

_What if beaches dry of sugar cane?_

_Oh well_

_The whales start to beach themselves_

_Tortoise shells tear away from their spines_

_It happens all the time, it happens all the time_

_Lemon Boy and I, we're gonna live forever_

_Like Snufkin and little my, we'll get around wherever_

_Lemon Boy and I, we're gonna live forever_

_Like Snufkin and little my, we'll get around wherever_

_It's actually pretty easy being nice to a bitter boy like him_

_'Cause we're the bitterest boys in town_

_Yeah, we're the bitterest guys around_

_And I got myself a citrus friend_

Thomas watched as the crowd erupted into cheers again and couldn’t help thinking that this was a dream. He pinched himself and laughed maniacally when he felt a small pain. This was real. He was really here with his friends.

He turned to look back at Alastair who was now clapping and screaming on his feet while Lucie and Cordelia jumped excitedly. Thomas shook his head.

This was real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs:   
> Bang! By AJR  
> Lemon Boy by Cavetown


	10. Chapter 10

The rest of the concert went well. The girls sang their set while James, Matthew, Thomas, and Christopher put their stuff up and helped set up a bit for the meet and greet for the fans. 

When it was Alastair’s portion of the concert, Thomas had made his way backstage to watch him. He passed Cordelia and Lucie on the way and they both sent him matching smirks and Cordelia winked. Thomas had flipped them off but he was smiling too big for it to be taken rudely.

Alastair had looked beautiful. His face was bright, his eyes more alive than Thomas had ever seen. Alastair was always a people pleaser, even if he’d rather have one on one conversations and interactions. He used to act like he hated everyone but Thomas had always been able to see through that act.

Thomas was sure he looked utterly ridiculous watching Alastair sing like some lovesick fool but he couldn’t help the brazen smile that didn’t seem to want to leave his face. There were a few times when Alastair would turn and sing a line directly at Thomas and Thomas laughed at the fans who craned their neck to catch a glimpse of who Alastair was singing to.

After his set, Alastair walked directly up to Thomas and grabbed his hand, dragging him to what Thomas presumed was his changing room. “We should go on that date now.” Thomas laughed at the giddy eagerness of Alastair’s words, a slight fluttering feeling in his chest at the thought that he got to go on a date with Alastair.

“We still have the meet and greet.” Thomas said and laughed again when Alastair pouted. It made Thomas feel good, the amount of trust Alastair seemed to have in Thomas. Alastair was himself around Thomas which was a big thing since he was relatively masked around everyone else.

“You have no idea how this could go, you could hate me for all you know. This could be a terrible date.” Thomas said, a smirk on his face to hide the heavy feeling the words left on his heart.

Alastair’s eyes narrowed. “I could never hate you, Thomas Lightwood.” The fluttering feeling returned to his chest and Thomas averted his eyes, a warm feeling creeping up his neck. He couldn’t help the stupid smile that stretched across his face.

Thomas turned his eyes back to Alastair as he realized he had to go over some things, warn him about some of the downsides of dating Thomas. “I think it’s only fair to warn you that I’m not out yet. Whatever we have, if it works out I mean, would have to be a secret for a while. At least until I come out.” Thomas fiddled with his sleeves, his tongue running over his lips anxiously.

“If you don’t want that I completely understand, it’s a lot. I don’t want to make you do anything that you feel is uncomfortable.” Thomas watched as Alastair smiled softly, his hands coming up to cup Thomas’s cheek. He wondered briefly if Alastair could hear his racing heartbeat but then found he wouldn’t mind if he did.

Alastair smiled at him, wider this time. “Lightwood, you’re worth the wait.” Thomas let out a shuddering breath and closed his eyes instinctively. When he opened them again Alastair was exponentially closer, his eyes locked on Thomas’s lips as he licked his own. 

Thomas let his eyes fall closed as he leaned in closer, anticipation thrumming through his veins. The moment was interrupted by the door opening and Thomas stepping back quickly. Both of their eyes opened and found Cordelia, her mouth opened as her eyes went back and forth between the two boys.

“Oh god,” She said, a quick breath leaving before a large smile appeared on her face as her eyes lit up. “Oh my god.” She said louder this time. “I knew it, oh my god, I knew it. Lucie owes me ten bucks.” She squealed as she launched herself into her brother’s arms. 

Alastair caught her easily as he laughed at her excitement. His eyes found Thomas’s and he laughed again at the blush that had spread across Thomas’s cheeks. Lucie bound in a moment later and smiled at all of them.

“We have to go to the meet and greet now, stop being so slow.” She said, her hand going to Cordelia’s wrist as she dragged her friend out of the room. “You owe me ten bucks.” Cordelia said happily before they got to the door. 

Lucie turned to her confused. “Why do I owe you ten bucks?” She asked and Cordelia just smiled before looking back at Thomas and Alastair who were both standing there flushed. Lucie followed her gaze and her mouth fell open as her eyes widened in understanding. “You’re kidding. Tell me your kidding.” She said, her wide eyes stuck on Thomas’s scarlet face. 

Cordelia shook her head and laughed brightly. Lucie shrieked and threw her arms around Thomas in a way that was so like Cordelia that Thomas wondered how they weren’t siblings. Thomas wrapped his arms around Lucie and laughed quietly. “I’m so happy for you, Tommy.” Lucie said, her voice lower than it had been. Thomas sighed happily and let her go so he could look her in the eye.

“As much as I appreciate your enthusiasm girls, we’ve not done anything. We just decided to go on a date, which we haven’t even done yet.” Thomas said. Alastair laughed softly behind him but Cordelia and Lucie rolled their eyes. “Yes, but at least the pining is over.” Both boys went brilliant shades of red and Thomas coughed slightly to clear his throat.

“Yes, well, nevermind that.” The girls laugh and Lucie took his hand. “Don’t worry, by the way, we won’t tell anyone.” Thomas smiled and kissed her forehead, grateful that she was able to read his mind. 

Thomas guessed that Lucie reading his mind came with being so close but he was thankful none the less. Lucie took his hand and pushed him so that his back was to her and he had barely managed to squat in time for her to throw her weight at his back. He groaned and pretended to drop her, Lucie squealed and tightened her grip around his neck. Thomas choked slightly and brought a hand up to pull Lucie’s arm until she was hanging on loosely. 

“If you didn’t want me to choke you out then don’t pretend to drop me.” She huffed indignantly and Cordelia and Alastair laughed behind them. Alastair threw Thomas a soft look and Thomas couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. 

Cordelia took her brother’s hand and gave Thomas a knowing smile. “You two are going to have to wait a little longer because we really do have a meet and greet we need to get to.” Thomas laughed and nodded as he ducked under the door, mindful of Lucie’s head. Lucie took her arms and placed her hands on Thomas’s head before resting her chin on them. “I’m really proud of you Tommy. We all are. Are you going to tell the boys?” 

Thomas hummed. “I will when this is real. Matthew knows far too much about how real I want this to be and how much I want this to work. If this doesn’t work out then I don’t want them all to pity me.” Lucie nodded and ran a hand through his hair. “I understand that.” Lucie looked over to where Cordelia and Alastair were laughing a little behind them. “I think this will work Thomas. I hope it does you both deserve it.”

Thomas lifted her up further and lifted his head so he could look at her. “Thank you. So when were you planning on telling me about Jesse?” Lucie turned a dark scarlet and looked ahead, Thomas laughed.  
“I- We-” Lucie was saved from further embarrassment when James walked out of the door they were walking to. “There you are, what took you so long?” James said, grabbing Thomas’s arm and pulling him into the room. Thomas ducked again, Lucie bending her head so it wouldn’t hit the door frame.

There were about twenty people in the room. Most were teenagers, some parents, and few children. Thomas set Lucie down and winked at her. “That conversation was not avoided, simply postponed.” Lucie groaned and walked towards Cordelia.

Thomas spotted Talia right away, their eyes meeting at the same time. Talia smiled widely and ran over to him with her arms wide. Thomas bent down and scooped her up, spinning her in a circle as she giggled. “I’m very glad you stayed.” Thomas said as he rested her on his hip. Talia laughed again and wrapped her arms around his neck. 

She bent her head forward and whispered. “Me too but it’s ten o’clock which is past my bedtime.” She giggled and looked over at her mom who was currently smiling at them from a chair across the room. “My mom hasn’t noticed though so don’t tell her.” Thomas laughed quietly and nodded seriously. “I would never.” He said and Talia gave him a calculating look that was rather intimidating for a six year old.

Talia leaned away from him before extending her pinky finger to him with narrowed eyes. “Pinky promise?” Thomas laughed softly but hooked his pinky around hers. “Pinky promise.” He said secretively. A large smile graced her face and she rested her head on his shoulder.

Thomas walked around and greeted a few people, Talia now asleep on his shoulder. Thomas found he rather liked meet and greets. It wasn’t as overwhelming as seeing a whole bunch of people at once nor as surprising as seeing someone in your everyday life.

After a while he sat down and talked to Talia’s mom. He had already grown quite fond of the little girl, not having known her very long. As it turns out the cheerful little girl that was still snoozing on his shoulder came from a relatively poor household. Her mother, Joyce, was a teenager when she got pregnant and was now a single mother. She had discovered she had breast cancer the year before and Thomas felt a wave of sadness wash over him as he listened to Joyce talk about their struggles as if it was a normal thing. 

Thomas was rather rich from the music industry but growing up poor and sickly he knew the struggles it brought. He was offering financial help before he even registered what was happening, not that he changed his mind when his brain caught up to his mouth. Joyce blushed and Thomas felt a wave of guilt at having made her feel bad. 

“Please, it’s really no trouble. We have what we need to get by.” Thomas just shook his head, his eyes on the sleeping girl in his arms. “I don’t doubt you do, I just think a family as special and sweet as y’all’s deserves more than the necessities. I grew up quite like you so just think about it as me projecting really. I want to help you give Talia what I didn’t have growing up.”

Joyce had stared at him for a minute and Thomas suddenly felt as if this had been a bad idea and she was offended or mad at him for even suggesting such a thing. Instead she just shook her head, a small smile gracing her lips. “Bless you Thomas Lightwood. You’re good people.” She said kindly as she hugged him gently, mindful of her sleeping daughter.

“We almost didn’t come tonight. A guy I work with was going to take his daughter but they both got sick and he knew how much Talia loved your music and so he gave us his tickets.” Thomas smiled widely. Fate seemed to know good people when it saw them. “I’m very glad you did.” Thomas said warmly before writing down his number on a napkin for Joyce to take.

“I do have to ask you not to give anyone that number naturally.” Joyce nodded with a quiet laugh. “I won’t. Thank you again for everything, I know my daughter can come on strong.” Thomas laughed and patted the girls head affectionately. He had always loved kids, he’d always wanted some. It was a hard thing to realize and come to terms with when he discovered he was gay and wouldn’t get to ahve any biologically, well without surrogates and such.

“You’re very welcome, it was my pleasure.” Thomas said softly as Joyce took her daughter. They hugged one last time before Joyce left. 

Thomas had a warm feeling in his chest. He barely knew them but he was excited to get to know them better. They seemed like they were good, kind people. They were the type of people who truly deserve help.

Alastair made his way over as the last of the fans made their way out. Alastair grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the room, dragging him back to his warm up room. 

Once they got there Alastair plopped on the couch and Thomas wasted no time laying down beside him. Alastair stiffened slightly before relaxing and running his fingers through Thomas’s hair. Thomas sighed contentedly as he let his eyes close, exhaustion creeping up on him. So much for the date that night. 

“Who were you talking to?” Alastair asked quietly, his voice tired too. Thomas yawned before he answered. “That was Joyce, Talia’s mom. Turns out she’s a single mom, only twenty three. She’s sick and they’re poor so treatments are expensive.” Thomas yawned again, his arm going around Alastair’s waist. “Helping them pay.” He said, his voice turning sluggish from the fatigue.

Alastair’s hand stilled in his hair. Thomas looked up at him and saw Alastair watching him with a smile he’d never seen before. “You’re helping them pay for the treatments?” Thomas nodded, his head tilted to the side as he tried to figure out what Alastair’s smile was. “Yeah, mortgage too. I mean I understand what it’s like growing up that way, the money it takes to get better. I thought it was a chance to make a difference in somebody’s life and you have to admit, Talia is the cutest kid you’ve ever seen.”

Alastair laughed and shook his head. “You’re such a good person Thomas.” He said quietly before dropping a kiss to his forehead. Thomas’s heart managed to skip a beat and speed up at the same time, a wave of heat spiking through his body as his cheeks flamed. 

Thomas buried his head in Alastair’s chest, a stupid grin on his face. Alastair laughed and resumed stroking Thomas’s hair. 

They sat there in comfortable silence, Thomas’s thoughts racing over the simple affection. Cordelia opened the door sometime later, Thomas had fallen asleep so he wasn’t sure how long they’d been there.

“We’ve got to get on the buses now. By the way, the boys have been looking for you Thomas.” Thomas groaned before getting up and stretching, not missing the way Alastair’s eyes fell to the strip of stomach that showed when his shirt rode up. A weird stroke of confidence hit him and he winked at Alastair before walking out.

Alastair’s cheeks heated up and Thomas took pride in reversing the roles for once. He heard Cordelia say something about being ‘so whipped already’ to Alastair before the door shut behind him.

Thomas found Matthew and James talking in hushed voices on the way to the bus. Matthew turned and saw Thomas first. “Thomas, there you are. We’ve been looking for you everywhere. Why is your face paint smudged?” Thomas felt a rush of alarm ring through him but he just shrugged with a tired smile. “I fell asleep.”

James nodded, believing it easily but Matthew stared at him for a minute before the ghost of a smile crossed his face and he tugged on James’s wrist. “Jamie, I’m tired.” Matthew whined. James smiled at his boyfriend and wrapped an arm around his shoulders before guiding them back to the bus.

“You good for the night, Thomas?” James asked as they stepped onto the bus. Thomas stood there for a second, confused, before he remembered that he and Alastair shared a bus for the nights. Thomas turned around in an attempt to hide his blush. “Yeah. You two get some sleep. I’ll meet up with you tomorrow.” James voiced his agreement before shutting the door to their bus.

Thomas yawned and made his way to the other bus. He climbed up the stairs and found Lucie sitting there with Cordelia. “Where’s Alasair?” Thomas asked as he plopped down on the small couch next to Lucie, his head resting in her lap.

Lucie ran her fingers through his hair with her long nails scratching his scalp, chills broke out on his arms. “He’s helping Jesse clean but all the equipment up.” Cordelia said. Thomas opened his eyes and looked at Lucie with a broad smile. 

“Ah, Jesse. I do believe you owe me a story, love.” He said sweetly to Lucie who was blushing. Lucie flicked his forehead with her finger and bit her lip. “Do you two really want to know? It isn’t all that fun.” 

Cordelia rolled her eyes and gave Thomas a ‘can you believe this girl’ look that made Thomas laugh loudly. “Yes we really want to know, you haven’t shown an interest in anyone since I met you and now you have a mysterious boy who seems to only like you? Yes, sweetheart we want to know so spill.” Cordelia said, excitement clear in her voice.

Lucie rolled her eyes before playing with Thomas’s fingers. “Well, I met him at boarding school. We didn’t really talk but then this guy stole my journal, the one where I write all my stories and started reading them out loud to the entire class. I was about to get up and tell him off in my, as you two call it, scarily feisty way, but this kid who has been silent all year just pushes the kid down, grabs my journal, and gives it back before walking straight out of the room.”

Lucie smiled slightly and Thomas could tell she was in the memory rather than just recalling it. “I followed him because as much as I appreciated it I could have handled my own and it would have been less embarrassing.” Lucie huffed slightly. “We all know I don’t need a stupid knight in shining armor, and I told him that. He just smiled at me and told me he knew very well that I could have stood my own but that I didn’t always have to.”

Cordelia’s face broke into a smile and she shared a look with Thomas. Lucie studiously ignored them. “Of course that was one hundred percent the best thing to say and he just left it at that and walked away. We normally didn’t see each other much but it’s like every turn we made we ran into each other. So we became friends and we may or may not have kissed a few times. I left before he did and we texted a while but then we just kind of stopped talking I guess.” Lucie’s face turned a little bittersweet.

“He’s gone through a lot, but he’s a good guy. I’m glad he’s here with us, when he opens up I think you all will like him a lot.” Thomas smiled at her and pulled her hand so he could kiss it gently. “I am very excited to get to know him. I have to say though, keep that story to yourself until James is really friends like him. That way James can’t hate him since he’s already admitted to liking him.”

Cordelia and Lucie laughed. “Thomas, bless your beautiful brain.” Thomas laughed loudly. “I have to say, only you could find Prince Charming in a school of knights.” Cordelia said, her voice somewhat dreamy. Lucie smiled softly, her eyes slightly glazed. “Yeah, I guess so.”

They fell into a comfortable silence that stretched until Alastair walked in. Thomas opened his eyes which had gained a hundred pounds with the exhaustion that crept in. Alastair looked at them all with a tender smile as he made his way over to Thomas.

“Tired?” He asked quietly when Thomas opened his eyes as wide as they would go, it wasn’t much but he could see Alastair and that was always enough. Thomas nodded and looked at the girls, both of whom had fallen asleep.

Alastair chuckled and took Thomas’s outreached hands to pull him up. Thomas stood, almost falling down when his leg refused to hold him up. “If I knew you were falling for me this hard, I would have asked you out earlier.” Alastair said with a smirk as he caught him with a questioning gaze, Thomas blushed. “Sorry, my leg’s asleep.” Alastair laughed and made sure Thomas could balance properly before going and waking his sister up.

Thomas turned and shook Lucie gently. Lucie just groaned and turned over so Thomas decided to take drastic measures. Lucie screamed as her sides were attacked by Thomas’s fingers. “Stop! Stop, I'm awake! I’m up!” She shrieked around her laughter as she swatted Thomas’s hands away.  
Thomas laughed and looked over to where Alastair was talking quietly to Cordelia as her eyes opened slowly, his hand brushing away the dark curls that fell in her face. Thomas couldn’t help the rush of affection he felt as he watched the pair. Lucie sighed as she watched them too.  
“Why can’t you be sweet like that, Thomas? Why must you attack me?” She asked as she draped herself across his back dramatically. Thomas laughed and shook her off, turning to see the pout on her lips. “Lucie, darling we all know I’m only sweet like that to my boys.” Lucie chuckled and shook her head.

Thomas shooed her with his hands. “Go get some sleep before tomorrow. No one wants a grumpy Lucie on the road or at practice.” Lucie huffed, affronted, and Cordelia laughed as she stood stretching. “Isn’t that true.” Lucie crossed her arms, sulking. Cordelia walked over and grabbed her arm, tugging gently as she walked towards the door. 

“We have to get going so all the buses can leave. Plus they need some alone time.” Cordelia added with a stage whisper that made both boys turn red. Thomas shifted slightly, suddenly nervous to be alone with Alastair.

Thomas didn’t really have experience with boys. He’d dated a few in high school but when he started getting famous he shut everything down to stop rumors or the chance of forced outing. He hadn’t kissed anyone in at least two years and he didn’t know exactly what Alastair had planned.

What if Alastair had planned on kissing him already? What if he wanted to do more already? Thomas tapped his foot subconsciously as the doubts and anxiety started to build up. He felt a hand on his shoulder and jumped as he turned to look at Alastair.

Alastair was watching him with a concerned expression. “Are you okay, Thomas?” Thomas laughed tensely and looked down. “Umm, yeah. I’m just tired.” He said, hoping Alastair would take the hint and they could go to sleep.

“Okay.” He said slowly, his eyes never leaving Thomas’s. “You do know that I’m not going to do anything you’re uncomfortable with, right? That’s a known fact?” Thomas laughed incredulity, questioning how people could read him so clearly.

Thomas turned and looked at Alastair with a small smile, the anxiety loosening in his stomach. “Thank you.” Thomas said softly. Alastair just rolled his eyes and grabbed Thomas’s wrist. “Don’t thank me, that’s just being a decent person.” Thomas laughed as he let Alastair pull him to the bathroom.

They brushed their teeth and got ready for bed next to each other, going to their own rooms to change. Thomas peeked his head in Alastair’s room to find him reading on the bed. Thomas opened the door and stood there for a second not wanting to intrude, but Alastair looked at him and beckoned him in.

“Sorry, I was tired but I’ve woken myself up again.” Thomas said as he sat on the edge of the bed not quite sure how to talk to Alastair. It was like they had been friends forever but at the same time it felt like his life was moving so fast he couldn't catch up. 

Alastair smiled at him sweetly, the book still open in his lap. “It’s no problem. I can’t go to sleep without reading first so I’ll be up if you want to stay a bit.” Thomas smiled gratefully at him and laid down, not too close to Alastair. “What are you reading?” He asked after a moment of silence had passed.

A book appeared above his head and he laughed quietly as he read the title, Frankenstein. Thomas hummed, he’d read it before but he’d liked it a lot. “Read it to me?” He asked quietly, instantly regretting it when Alastair gave him an unreadable look. 

“Or don’t. You don’t have to, I can sit here. Sorry that was stupid.” Alastar shook his head quickly, his hand reaching down to Thomas’s shoulder. “No, you’re fine. People just don’t normally ask that, especially not this book.” He said laughing, Thomas joined him and let out his own nervous laughter. “Oh, well it’s one of my favorites.” Thomas said quietly as he watched Alastair pick the book back up.

Alastair winked at him from top of the book. “Mine as well.” He said before he began reading. Thomas loved Alastair’s voice, it was soothing and smooth in a way that was just so Alastair that it brought a smile to Thomas’s lips.

Thomas found his head in Alastair’s lap as his eyelids regained their heaviness. Thomas quoted a few lines with Alastair, the filter in his brain that kept him from coming on as a full nerd gone with exhaustion. 

“I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy one, I will indulge the other.” Thomas mumbled sleepily. It took him a minute to realize that Alastair was no longer reading and when he looked up he was Alastair’s eyes closed, mouth twitching as if he were still trying to read.

Thomas laughed quietly and sat up. He gently took the book out of Alastair’s hands and placed it on the table beside the bed. He pulled the blanket up to Alastair’s chin knowing he was almost always cold, where he knew that he was completely sure.

After he got Alastair settled in he made it to his own room and sent a quick text to his sister.

(Thomas = bold, Barbara = italics)

**guess who got a date with the guy they’ve liked since they were eleven**

_Thomas you didn’t?!?!_

_How?!?_

_What happened?!?!_

Thomas laughed at his sister’s excitement and lack of ability to send more than one sentence in a text.

**we were about to get ready and we had been singing together and he just looked at me and asked if i wanted to go out**

_THOMAS?!_  
  
_YOU SAID YES RIGHT?!?_  
  
_I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU SAID NO CAUSE YOU FREAKED OUT I WILL PERSONALLY COME AND TELL HIM ALL ABOUT YOUR MOPING WHEN YOU THOUGHT HE DIDN’T LIKE YOU_

Thomas glared at the screen.

**you wouldn’t**

**but yes I did agree, we’re going to go on one the day after tomorrow fyi**

_Thomas I’m really proud of you_

_Look at us getting dates and getting married_

_The dream_

***is scoffing* getting married and going on a date is certainly not the same thing but I appreciate the sentiment anyway**

_It’s a step in the right direction._

_How was the rest of your day? How was the concert?_

**it was magical Barb**

**everyone was so energetic and they were all screaming it was like a dream**

**i met this six year old, Talia, remind me to tell you more about her tomorrow**

_I’m glad everything went well._

_We’ve all been worried you wouldn’t do well with so many people_

**wow, thanks for the ego boost**

**i do have to say all those people wore me out so i’m about to go to bed**

_Okay, but don’t forget to text me tomorrow. I love you sweet dreams use protection!!_

**BARBARA NOOO GO TO BED**

Thomas turned his ringer off and sat his phone on the table next to his bed as he laughed. He knew Barabara would be excited for him, she knew how much he liked Alastair. It meant a lot that she was so supportive of him.

He was ready to see her again, he couldn’t believe she was engaged and he hadn’t even gotten to hug her.

Thomas shrugged off the homesick feeling and buried himself in the covers, a stupid smile still stuck on his face.


	11. Chapter 11

Thomas woke up to a knock on the door. He opened his eyes groggily and stretched, his eyes scanning the room to figure out where he was. He took in the small room that held a twin-sized bed and a small table. Ah right, tour.

The knock came again and Thomas cleared his throat slightly. “You can come in.” He said, his voice raspy from sleep. The door cracked open and Alastair’s bright face popped in. “Thomas, get up, get up. We’re almost to Phoenix.” Thomas laughed as Alastair jumped slightly in place, he looked like a child with a new toy and the thought only made Thomas laugh harder.

Alastair pouted and threw himself on Thomas’s bed. “Thomas, stop laughing, come on.” He said grabbing Thomas’s wrist and hauling him up. Thomas groaned and let his weight drop completely onto Alastair who shrieked and held him up to the best of his abilities.

Thomas laughed as Alastair’s arms got trapped and he fell back with Thomas on top of him. Alastair huffed but made no move to change their positions so Thomas let his eyes close again. “No, if you’re going to stay there you don’t get to go back to sleep. That means I have to sit here all by myself and die under your ginormous body.” Thomas laughed loudly and sat up. 

“Are you calling me fat?” Alastair laughed and shook his head. “Not at all, you’re simply a very large, very tall person.” Thomas laughed and before he could think it through he smirked at Alastair. “Plus, I’m sure you don’t mind being under me all that much.” He snapped his mouth closed as he realized what he just said. 

Alastair’s cheeks reddened and he just stared at Thomas for a few seconds before he threw his head back and laughed loudly. “God, Thomas. Warn a man before you make those jokes.” Thomas groaned and hid his face in Alastair’s chest.

He could feel Alastair’s chest shaking under him in silent laughs. Thomas decided he liked the feel of laughter but then again maybe it was just Alastair’s.

Thomas rolled off of him with a huff, missing the warmth he brought but not too keen on crushing Alastair before their first date.

The thought made him smile. Their first date. He was going on a date. With Alastair. He was going to go on a date with the first (and quite frankly only) boy he’d ever liked. Thomas turned to look at Alastair who had sat up and was now stretching.

He couldn’t help but remember all the times he’d thought of how perfect Alastair was, how much he wanted him when they were in school. Not much had changed besides the fact that they grew up and he understood that no one was perfect, we just had to love people despite and for their flaws.

Thomas wasn’t aware he was thinking so hard but soon enough Alastair was laying on him, his chin resting on his hands that he had folded on Thomas’s chest as he stared up at Thomas. “What are you thinking about so hard?” Thomas smiled down at him, wondering for what felt like the millionth time how Alastair made him feel so comfortable when he used to feel so uncomfortable.

Maybe not uncomfortable per se, more of a butterfly feeling that made his hands sweat when Alastair got too close. He could get used to this feeling, the comfort Alastair brought. He wanted to get used to it. He wanted Alastair to stay.

Thomas sighed inwardly, he was so screwed. Here he was hoping desperately that Alastair wouldn’t leave him when they hadn’t even gone on a date. They needed to go on a date.

He shuddered when he felt warm air passing his ear. Alastair leaned back down from where he had lifted himself up to blow gently against Thomas’s ear. 

“What are you thinking about?” He asked again, a small smile gracing his face. Thomas liked that he got to see it, not many people did. “You. Me. Us.” Thomas said with a shrug, his eyes falling shut contentedly. 

“I think about that too. We should go on our date today.” Alastair said, his hand coming up to play with Thomas’s brown hair. Thomas hummed in agreement, reveling in the bliss Alastair brought him. 

The door opened behind them and they both turned around, surprised as neither of them had realized the bus had stopped. Cordelia was standing in the doorway, a smile on her dark lips as she smiled at them. “God, I feel like you two have already been dating for years. Hell, you act like you’ve already been dating for years.” Alastair and Thomas laugh as Alastair rolls off him and they both sit up.

“Are we here?” Alastair asked, his arms out as he stretched again as he yawned. Thomas looked away with a smile and heated cheeks. Cordelia gave him a knowing smile.

“Yeah, we’re here. Lucie and I are getting breakfast and the boys are getting ready but I’ll just leave you two.” She dropped a wink before stepping out of the room. Alastair sighed loudly as he flopped back on the bed. “Is it bad that I am equally torn between wanting to take you out on a date right now and going back to sleep for days?” Thomas laughed and shook his head as he stood up.   
“Not at all. I, however, am going to get ready for the day seeing as someone has already woken me up.” Thomas said as he grabbed his clothes out of his bag. Alastair grumbled but made no move to get up from Thomas’s bed.

Thomas felt slightly disgusted as he dressed, he needed a shower but seeing as the bus was lacking one and he wasn’t in the mood to go to the hotel by himself, he just dressed and got ready without one. He had showered yesterday so honestly, it wasn’t that bad but he liked showering every morning.

About ten minutes later he walked back to his room and smiled quietly at the sight of Alastair sitting on his bed, his guitar on his lap as he scribbled something into a notebook. Thomas felt a hard flutter in his stomach at the sight of Alastair’s guitar pick hanging out of his mouth.

Thomas found himself trying to be as quiet as possible as he leaned on the door frame. Alastair dropped his notebook and went back to his guitar, humming and picking a few more notes before jotting them down in what Thomas assumed was his songwriting notebook. Alastair turned back to his guitar and picked a slow rhythm as he started to sing quietly.

You can count on me like one, two, three

I'll be there

And I know when I need it, I can count on you like four, three, two

And you'll be there

'Cause that's what friends are supposed to do, oh, yeah

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, yeah, yeah

Alastair was about to go back to his notebook once again when he saw Thomas standing by the door. Alastair’s cheeks went red and he laughed quietly. “Hey.” He said, laying his guitar carefully on the bed next to him. Thomas raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, don’t get all shy about singing in front of me now, Alastair. It’ll be a long trip if you do.” Alastair laughed and shook his head. “New song?” Thomas asked as he sat next to him, Alastair smiled sweetly. “Yeah, it’s for Cordelia but it’s not nearly done yet.” Thomas smiled at his thoughtfulness before his phone pinged across the room.

Getting up with a groan, Thomas crossed the room to check his phone. It was from the group chat with Matthew, James, and Christopher.

_Sid the Science Kid_ : Today’s a free day while they set up right?

_Matthew Unfairchild_ : Basically, we have an hour of practice tonight but other than that yeah

_King of the Ducks_ : Where’s Thomas?

_Matthew Unfairchild_ : THOMAS YOU BUFFOON ARE YOU WITH ALASTAIR?!

Thomas laughed and rolled his eyes at his friend’s enthusiasm.

_Thomas the Train:_ i am and i would like to say i’m muting you all today so i will see you all at rehearsal later

Thomas put the chat on mute and put his phone into his pocket. He reached his hands out to Alastair, who had put his guitar away, and pulled him up easily. Thomas made the split-second decision to pull Alastair into his chest instead of letting go.

He took great comfort in feeling Alastair’s heart beating as rapidly as his own. Alastair sighed quietly and wrapped his arms loosely around Thomas’s waist. “I could get used to this.” Alastair said quietly. Warmth spread through Thomas, a smile gracing his face as he soaked in the fact that Alastair (hopefully) would get used to this. He wanted this to be normal, wanted to memorize what it felt like to hold Alastair. He wanted all the soft times and all the crazy ones too. He wanted Alastair.

Thomas tightened his grip slightly around Alastair’s shoulders. “I want you to get used to this.” Thomas said quietly, resting his chin on Alastair’s dark hair. He loved that hair. Alastair leaned back enough to give him a soft look before bringing Thomas’s head down and planting a soft kiss on his forehead.

Alastair smiled at him again before pulling back. “We have all day and I have a few ideas for dates because knowing us and the fans at least one will get crashed.” Thomas felt his heart drop and his teeth automatically went to chew on his lips. 

The fans. How could they go on a date without the fans knowing? How could they truly enjoy a date with Thomas having to look over his shoulder every few seconds? It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to him or Alastair. What if Alastair changed his mind after going on the date? What if he saw how it would have to be with Thomas being closeted and change his mind?

“Thomas?” Alastair asked quietly, making his way back to Thomas who had gone stiff and silent. “Thomas?” Alastair asked again quietly, his hand coming up to gently tug Thomas’s lip from his teeth. It was bleeding now, Thomas could taste the copper but he ignored it in favor of looking at Alastair’s dark, concerned eyes.

“Sorry.” Thomas said. His voice was rough and he was shaking his head slightly as he swallowed roughly. Alastair moved his hand to cup Thomas’s cheek. “What just happened?” He asked quietly. Thomas closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, giving a small smile when Alastair moved to press their foreheads together.

“I’m sorry.” Thomas whispered again, his eyes falling closed at the calming pressure Alastair was giving. Alastair swiped his thumb across Thomas’s cheek, right under his eye. “What are you sorry about?” Thomas sighed, his heart stuttering loudly in his chest. 

Before Thomas could second guess himself he leaned forward a fraction and captured Alastair’s lips with his own. Alastair gasped into it before bringing his other hand to Thomas’s face.

It wasn’t like the kisses you read about. It didn’t freeze time and his heart didn’t stop beating. It was messy and rushed, both anticipating the kiss for far too long. Thomas was hot all over and his heart was racing. Alastair licked the seam of his lips and Thomas hesitated only slightly before opening his mouth for Alastair to explore. 

Thomas’s hands came up to Alastair’s neck, his thumbs running along Alastair’s jaw. Alastair’s hands had slipped to his hair, tugging in a way that drew a moan from Thomas. They broke away, both breathing heavily.

Alastair used his grip on Thomas’s hair to bring their foreheads together once more. Thomas let out a laugh as he flexed his fingers where they still rested on Alastair’s neck. “God,” Alastair said, his voice barely audible. Thomas laughed again and brought his head up to kiss Alastair’s forehead.

“Can’t we just skip the first date and you agree to be my boyfriend now?” Alastair whined slightly, his hands slipping down to wrap around Thomas’s waist as he hugged him close. Thomas laughed again, his mind still spinning from the kiss. 

“One date and then you can ask me and I can guarantee you, you’ll like the answer.” Thomas mumbled into Alastair’s hair. Alastair just hummed contentedly and grabbed one of Thomas’s hands seemingly content to stand there and play with Thomas’s fingers.

“I hope you know that as much as I loved that kiss, I haven’t dropped the previous conversation.” Thomas sighed and closed his eyes. “I saw you spiral, what was it about?” Alastair asked quietly, his thumb running soothingly over Thomas’s palm.

Thomas pulled Alastair with him so they were once again sitting on the bed. “So much for getting ready.” Alastair just shrugged and tucked himself into Thomas’s side. Thomas ran his hand over Alastair’s side and smiled when he felt Alastair shudder against him. “Are you a koala? I didn’t think you’d be such a snuggler.” Alastair shifted so he could pout at Thomas. “I am a very clingy person, might as well get that out there now. I hate that word, by the way, snuggle,” Alastair’s face twisted up and all Thomas could think was adorable. “I am also offended that you think I can be distracted so easily.”

Rolling his eyes, Thomas shook his head. “I don’t think you’re easily distracted, I’m just postponing the inevitable.” Alastair nodded, a faint smile on his face. “Well then, do get along with it, Thomas.”

Thomas chuckled before going quiet as the worries creep back into his head. “I know you’re out and I’m proud of you for that, a lot of people are, but I’m not out.” Alastair sits up so he can see Thomas, leaving his side to sit criss-cross in front of him.

“And you’re worried that I’ll leave because you aren’t?” Thomas looked down at the sound of Alastair’s knowing voice. “Thomas, don’t you think that’s a little hypocritical of me? I wasn’t always out, I know what it’s like to fear everyone’s reactions. I know what it’s like to be closeted and to be in a closeted relationship. I’m not going to pressure you to do or say anything you aren’t comfortable with and I know how it’s going to be so stop worrying about it.” 

Thomas gave Alastair an exasperated look. “Don’t you understand? It’s not fair to you. We would have to sit on opposite sides of the tables when we go out. We wouldn’t be able to kiss or hold hands, hell it would be sketchy to even hug in front of people.” Thomas bit his lip and started pulling the loose threads on the blanket. “I mean, Alastair, do you really want that? To hide?”

Alastair fixed Thomas with a hard look, his eyes narrowed but kind. He leaned forward and stopped when he was a few inches away from Thomas’s face. Both of their eyes traveled to the other’s lips. 

“You’re worth it.” Alastair whispered as if saying it too loud would break the silent spell they were in. Thomas let his eyes flutter shut, the reassurance making him feel better than he thought he would even with the doubts still floating around in his head.

Alastair closed the distance between them and for the second time that day, they kissed.

It wasn’t rushed as the first one had been. It was slow, their lips molding against each other, slowly getting used to the fit of the other’s lips. Alastair’s hands came up to Thomas’s hair and he sighed into Thomas’s mouth before pulling back with a smile. 

“Your hair’s so soft.” Thomas couldn’t help the laugh that came out and he brought his hands to Alastair’s dark locks. “So is yours.” Alastair smiled at him and they stood together in silence.

It wasn’t uncomfortable, it was quiet and comforting. Thomas couldn’t help feel relaxed when he was with Alastair. Maybe that was what was so addicting about him, the fact that he seemed to destroy any reason to be anxious or to stress. He was a drug.

“Back to the date thing, I think that one of my ideas will be right up your alley.” Thomas raised an eyebrow. “Yeah?” Alastair nodded and winked. “But you don’t get to know what it is until we’re there. You have rehearsal tonight, right?” Alastair asked as he pulled his phone out of his pocket.

Thomas nodded and Alastair smiled as he continued typing something with his phone. “Okay, then how do you feel about a shower and then a tour?” Thomas raised an eyebrow and didn’t even try to hide the curious look on his face. 

“Tour of where?” Thomas asked, then laughed when Alastair huffed dramatically. “Questions later, fun now, Thomas.” He said exasperated. Thomas laughed again and let Alastair drag him into the sitting room of the bus.

“I’m going to get ready so you just sit here and I’ll be out in a second.” Thomas nodded and Alastair left him with a wink. Thomas smiled and found himself wondering what kind of adventure Alastair would be leading him on.

Thomas had a bunch of questions as to what they were doing and honestly, Alastair should have known that leaving Thomas to his thoughts for more than five minutes would lead to him overthinking.

“How are we going to get there? None of us brought our cars and honestly, I would prefer not to bring the bus.” Thomas said as soon as he and Alastair stepped out of the bus. Alastair laughed and clapped a hand onto his shoulder. Thomas was sure that if they weren’t in public Alastair would have grabbed his hand.

“I have a friend who lives up here who said I could borrow her car for the day. I’m lucky I caught her, she’s a travel photographer but we happened to be here at the same time.” Alastair said easily leading Thomas to where a baby blue slug bug was parked. A girl was standing next to it, she was around Alastair’s age with dark hair and dark eyes that lit up kindly.

She pushed off from where she was resting, propped up against her car, and held her hand out to Thomas. “I’m Ariadne, it’s nice to meet you finally, Alastair’s told me a lot.” Ariadne winked and seemed not to notice the way Thomas tensed significantly.

. Alastair didn’t miss it and put a careful hand on Thomas’s shoulder. “Ari, that was unnecessary.” Alastair said but he had a smile on his face and Ariadne just squeaked and threw herself at him. Alastair laughed and hugged her back tightly. 

Thomas smiled at the display and silently wondered where they had met. They both pulled back and Alastair shifted his smile to Thomas. “Thomas this is Ariadne Bridgestock, we met when she stayed with us for two days because the hotel was sold out and she was on a photography trip.” 

Ariadne smiled at him again and Thomas smiled back, he didn’t know anything about her but she was the kind of person who you wanted to smile at. Alastair turned back to her. “What are you going to do while we’re out with your car?” He asked with a raised eyebrow. 

Ariadne wasn’t listening fully, her eyes were locked hungrily on something behind him but Thomas couldn’t figure out what since the only thing behind him was Lucie and Anna. “Someone.” She said distractedly in response to Alastair’s question. Thomas raised an eyebrow at Alastair who laughed loudly, drawing the attention of Anna and Lucie who were in a conversation. 

Anna and Lucie both looked over and by the look on Anna’s face, Thomas guessed that it was Anna who had caught Ariadne’s attention. “I mean something!” Ariadne hurriedly corrected, her face a dark shade of red as she covered it with her hands. 

Alastair’s laughter just grew louder and Thomas couldn’t help the smalls laughs that escaped him as well as he realized what was happening. Anna and Lucie came up to them, both all smiles. “Ariadne dear, it’s been far too long.” Anna said with a wink that didn’t go unnoticed by anyone. 

Lucie looked at Thomas with a raised eyebrow before pointedly looking between the two other women. “I’m sorry, I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m Lucie, Anna’s cousin.” Lucie said, her hand stretched out in front of her for Ariadne to shake. Ariadne took it easily, her dark eyes shining. “It’s wonderful to meet you, I’m Ariadne.” 

Once the introductions were done there was an awkward silence as Anna and Ariadne stared at each other. Thomas could cut the air of sexual tension with a knife. Lucie, Alastair, and Thomas all shared amused glances as the women continued to have a silent conversation.

“As lovely as this is, Thomas and I are going to get going.” Alastair said with his eyes still locked on Anna and Ariadne, his face full of amusement. Lucie raised an eyebrow at Thomas and he had to look away from her knowing look before the blush overtook his face completely. “Oh? And where are you two going?” 

Thomas watched her with careful eyes. Alastair turned to Thomas and stayed silent letting Thomas answer however he wanted.

“We’re going on an adventure but don’t bring it up with the boys. If they ask, it’s fine don’t lie but if they don’t go out of their way to ask just don’t bring it up.” Lucie’s smug look softened and she nodded. “Of course.” She said before walking up to him and hugging him tightly. “Love you, darling. Have fun and be careful.” She said, pulling back.

Thomas smiled and kissed her forehead. “Always am.” He said before turning to Alastair and flashing him a smile as he walked to the car. 

Anna was now dragging Ariadne somewhere, both of them laughing. Lucie sighed and rolled her eyes. “Guess I’ll go find Cordelia.” She said with a fond shake of her head. “Or Jesse.” Thomas said with a wink before climbing into the car. 

His knees were far too close to his chest and he couldn’t help but realize just how small this car was for a person as tall as him. 

Alastair got into the driver's seat and took one look at Thomas before laughing hysterically. Thomas pouted and slumped in his seat, still towering over Alastair. “Shut up, it’s not my fault this car is tiny.” Alastair just laughed harder, tears of laughter falling down his face. Thomas liked the fact that he could make Alastair laugh like that, even if it was at his own expense.

Alastair started the car and wiped his eyes dramatically as his laughter died down. Thomas just glared with no venom and turned to the radio. He turned the volume up and cringed when he heard his own song coming through the speakers and changed the channel. Alastair glanced at him before turning his eyes back to the road.

“Not one to listen to your own music?” He asked as he drummed his fingers on the steering wheel in time with the song. Thomas laughed and nodded. “Never have been but that one was just embarrassing because I messed up the song and they just left it in. They wouldn’t let me rerecord it.” Alastair gave him a sympathetic nod. “Those are the worst.” He added as he turned left.

Thomas smiled and rolled the window down, Alastair’s coming down shortly after. It was surprisingly warm but it felt good to feel the wind in his face. A few notes of a new song filtered through the speakers and Thomas’s head whipped around, his hand coming up to turn the volume up before he knew what was happening. 

Alastair looked over with a smile and laughed at the overly excited puppy look Thomas was now giving off. Thomas threw his head back and started singing far too loudly as the words began.

_When I wake up, well I know I'm gonna be,_

_I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you_

_When I go out, yeah I know I'm gonna be_

_I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you_

_When I get drunk, well I know I'm gonna be_

_I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you_

_And when I haver, hey I know I'm gonna be_

_I'm gonna be the man who's havering to you_

_And I would roll 500 miles_

_And I would roll 500 more_

_Just to be the man who rolls a thousand miles_

_To fall down at your door_

_When I'm working, yes I know I'm gonna be_

_I'm gonna be the man who's working hard for you_

_And when the money, comes in for the work I do_

_I'll pass almost every penny on to you_

_When I come home(When I come home), well I know I'm gonna be_

_I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you_

_And when I grow old, well I know I'm gonna be_

_I'm gonna be the man who's growing old with you_

_But I would roll 500 miles_

_And I would roll 500 more_

_Just to be the man who roles a thousand miles_

_To fall down at your door_

_Da da da (da da da)_

_Da da da (da da da)_

_Da Da Da Dun Diddle Un Diddle Un Diddle Uh Da Da_

_Da da da (da da da)_

_Da da da (da da da)_

_Da Da Da Dun Diddle Un Diddle Un Diddle Uh Da Da_

_When I'm lonely, well I know I'm gonna be_

_I'm gonna be the man who's lonely without you_

_And when I'm dreaming, well I know I'm gonna dream_

_I'm gonna Dream about the time when I'm with you_

_When I go out(When I go out), well I know I'm gonna be_

_I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you_

_And when I come home(When I come home), yes I know I'm gonna be_

_I'm gonna be the man who comes back home with you_

_I'm gonna be the man who's coming home with you_

_And I would roll 500 miles_

_And I would roll 500 more_

_Just to be the man who rolled a thousand miles_

_To fall down at your door_

_Da da da (da da da)_

_Da da da (da da da)_

_Da da da (da da da)_

_Da da da (da da da)_

_Da Da Da Dun Diddle Un Diddle Un Diddle Uh Da Da_

_Da da da (da da da)_

_Da da da (da da da)_

_Da da da (da da da)_

_Da da da (da da da)_

_Da Da Da Dun Diddle Un Diddle Un Diddle Uh Da Da_

_Da da da (da da da)_

_Da da da (da da da)_

_Da da da (da da da)_

_Da da da (da da da)_

_Da Da Da Dun Diddle Un Diddle Un Diddle Uh Da Da_

_Da da da (da da da)_

_Da da da (da da da)_

_Da da da (da da da)_

_Da da da (da da da)_

_Da Da Da Dun Diddle Un Diddle Un Diddle Uh Da Da_

_And I would walk 500 miles_

_And I would roll 500 more_

_Just to be the man who rolled a thousand miles_

_To fall down at your door_

Thomas was out of breath by the time he finished and they were both laughing loudly. Alastair looked over at Thomas and Thomas couldn’t help the way his breath caught in his throat. Alastair looked beautiful with his carefree smile and his hair haloed by the sun. His smile was big and his eyes were crinkled from laughter.

Thomas had never seen a person as beautiful as Alastair and he didn’t quite know what to do with the butterflies that were currently attacking his stomach.

Alastair’s smile turned soft and he rested his hand on the console with his palm up. Thomas took his hand gently and laced their fingers together as they continued the drive with the wind blowing in both their faces.

Thomas realized at that moment, that no matter where they went if they went together it would be an adventure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: 500 Miles by the Proclaimers


End file.
